B52 Press Confrence

The press were assembled yesterday for a very landmark press conference held by the B52's. After years of guilt silently piling up, they issued a very long sought after apology to the people of the world. For over 20 years, the people of Earth have been subjected to the painful "Rock Lobster." Not only is it excruciating, but it is 23 minutes long while lacking ANY noticeable beneficial content.

Many felt that this song was prepared by the CIA as a unruly mob manipulation device for the general public. However, it was finally confirmed that the song was just a really bad decision made by the group. It was almost not released until a sadistic member of the record label secretly put the song on the album and made sure that it was released as a single.

Kate Pierson broke down in front of the cameras as Cindy Wilson pleaded for an acceptance of the group's apology. "We didn't know what we were doing at the time. We were unaware of the power that we were wielding" Wilson claimed. The other members of the band, Keith Strickland and Fred Schneider held their heads low as Wilson spoke for the group.

Soon Schneider looked right into the camera with mascara running down his face and just mouthed "We're sorry" over and over again.

Pierson then told stories of sleepless nights and weeping in the dark alone. She said that none of them knew what they were doing at the time. Had they been aware of the devastation that they were creating, they never would have assembled the most repulsive assault on the ears that had ever been created.

Strickland remained silent until the end of the press conference. It was then that he looked up from his hands to say "Please, if you can find it in your hearts, your forgiveness... Your mercy... Please know that we say this from the bottom of our hearts." The rest of what he said was lost in his tears.

The media hounded them for follow up questions, but they denied to answer. It was apparently a very moving experience for them. It was a release of many upon many years of personal anguish. Once this anguish reached the levels of those subjected to the music, they felt compelled to apologize for the attack on the world.

One bystander, who wished to not be identified, was asked "Mr. James Getrowski, what does this mean, in your opinion, to the general public?"

"The healing process has finally begun... Finally begun." James Getrowski then wiped away a tear, dropped the microphone and ran away down the street while keeping his arms very still.

No word on an apology for "Love Shack" yet.