John Mc

This is a collection of my thoughts. Some of the thoughts that I once had, I no longer do. Some thoughts I have now I have never had. Yet none shal be discounted. This blog is soley for the enjoyment of the author and the readers. On occasion the views expressed are overly exagerated in order to prove a point. Also there may be a dirty word or thought in some of the posts. Grow up and take this for what it's worth - a blog that barely anyone will ever see.

4/22/2006

The Ten Commandments

So, recently I’ve counted 6. I’ve gotten six marriage proposals in the past few years from the women that I’ve dated. I’m not bragging... totally... but, I find it interesting. One girl proposed to me within 24 hours of us dating. Another had a dream about us being together forever. I find it strange and scary. There is a reason why I’m single right now. Too many rings that are asked to be purchased. I’m not going to lie. I’ve been thinking about it myself. The steps of adult life read as follows:

1. Establish a career.
2. Establish financial independence.
3. Get suckered into marriage. I mean join in the holy union of two soulmates.

I have accomplished steps one and two with no problem. However, I have yet to step down the plank of number three. I mean aisle. Aisle. Ooops. Freudian slip.
The problem is, women are too anxious to marry. I would rather date for a few years before taking the ultimate plunge into the death of my single life. I don’t want to find a woman who is interested in me because of radio. (Sad, but true - some are.) I don’t want to be hooked up with a woman who is interested in marriage just because her sisters orfriends are getting married.
I’d rather be with someone who wants to get married because it is the right time to get married. Like, for example,when we are writing “09” at the end of the date line on our checks. That is why I’ve written out a few requirements for women to check themselves against to see if they expect to get me for life. I have developed10 commandments to date me. Here’s how it goes... so far: (I know there will be more qualifications once I post this)

1. You must find me funny. My life is dedicated to making people feel good about themselves through laughter. I aim to make people laugh. If you don’t laugh - no second date.
2. You must be physically fit. I know this is shallow and self-centered, but is a priority. I’m a guy - give me a break. Take care of yourself.
3. Your mom can’t be unfit. I’ve dated several girls where their mom is overweight. Why I continued dating them after this, I don’t know. However, a good indication of how a woman will be once you marry them is by judgingtheir mother. Again, shallow, but I don’t care.
4. You can’t be self-centered. While I demand a certain degree of self-confidence, if you think your crap don’t stink, get out of my life. You are no better than anyone else. If you are looking for a guy to treat you like crap, keep on looking. There are plenty of assholes out there. Surely one of them will be more than willing to control your life through intimidation. I won't.
5. You must have self-confidence. Some may say this goes against #4, but, you must always know that you are as good as anyone else. Don’t be a door mat. That isn’t attractive at all! Have your own thoughts, opinions, feelingsand whatever else on nearly everything. But, don’t be closed-minded. I know that the combination of #5 and #4 is astrange one, but you can walk the line if you think about it.
6. Humor. You must have a good sense of humor. If you don’t, we will not get along. There are very few thingsthat I see as “off-limits” as far as humor. Expect this. Don’t get offended, just accept me.
7. Be moral. Have a religious base. If you are Catholic, great! We will get along perfectly. However, due to my current belief of “if you believe in Jesus, you go to heaven” stance, pretty much any Christian is in. However, if you are Mormon, Jehovah Whiteness or any other bastardized cult of Christianity, stay away. You don’t count. And just because you are “Unitarian” and believe “Everyone is right” doesn’t mean that you are.
8. Not a slut. If you have had an entire town, don’t even bother talking to me. While I would prefer a virgin, I realize that anyone over 25 that is a virgin is EXTREAMLY rare. If you are, e-mail me now. If you are as known as Coke-a-Cola, don’t bother.
9. You are intelligent. I have dated my fair share of dumb but hot girls. I need someone that is well-rounded. While I don’t mean physically, I do mean mentally. If you can hold your own in a conversation regarding history, literature, art or humanity in general, let me know. That’s what is attractive to me.
10. Finally, current events. If you don’t know who the president is or don’t know that we are having a few issues in the middle east, don’t bother me. If you don’t know the basics of what is going on in the world, don’t contact me. I’m not saying be a news junkie, but know what is going on, how it relates to you and have some sort of opinion on it.

These sound a bit harsh? Good. That is why I wrote them. I have dated WAY too many psychos to count and hope to find someone that is closer to what I believe and think. (and closer to normal) Who knows, perhaps this will help me sift though the crap that I get and eventually find “the one” that everyone is talking about. Oh, and it helps a great deal if you’re Irish and like Guinness. I might even look past a few of my 10 commandments! I am now going to go back to listening to Jay-Z's "99 Problems."

7 Comments:

  • At 5:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    John--my sister and I found your blog and have been hooked. thanks for finally posting some new ones. you are pretty hilarious. we enjoyed your ten commandments and yes "normal" people are hard to find. but our question, is does the whole "virgin thing" only apply to the female gender or is it possible to find a male virgin out there? just a thought.

     
  • At 6:13 PM, Blogger John Mc. said…

    For the answer to that question, I give you a Don Williams song called "I Believe In Love." Send me an e-mail and let me know who you are.

     
  • At 11:54 AM, Blogger Mark said…

    John - As a married man, I must applaud your thoughts on marriage. In my opinion, you are right on with your reasons for not wanting to get married quickly and now. Also, since you have a list of qualities that you are looking for in a potential wife, make sure you stick to that list and only bend one or two of those if you feel you can live with that difference the rest of your life. I know too many people that say "I live with that for now, then when we get married I will change that in him/her". It never works like that.Too many people do not look at marriage as a life long commitment and that is one main reason why 50% of marriages end in divorce. Enjoy your singlehood... I know I enjoyed mine!
    ***Steps off soapbox***

     
  • At 12:35 PM, Blogger Avkoe said…

    It's a shame the divorce rate is as high as it is. My parents actually just got divorced. So, it's good that you have standards, or "Ten Commandments." My Mom actually used some of my Dad's money from the divorce to get plastic surgery a couple months ago. Scores points for me if you didn't know any better considering your third commandment, huh?

     
  • At 12:03 AM, Blogger David said…

    Interesting, belief in the superpowers of a two thousand year old carpenter is a priority, well, we must have our standards I suppose.

     
  • At 1:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    christ, you're only 29! in your profile pic you look at least 40.

     
  • At 3:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I hope your blog is some sort of humor. Otherwise, the polite thing for me to say is ... nothing.
    Remember - religion is the opium of the masses.

     

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