John Mc

This is a collection of my thoughts. Some of the thoughts that I once had, I no longer do. Some thoughts I have now I have never had. Yet none shal be discounted. This blog is soley for the enjoyment of the author and the readers. On occasion the views expressed are overly exagerated in order to prove a point. Also there may be a dirty word or thought in some of the posts. Grow up and take this for what it's worth - a blog that barely anyone will ever see.


I don't know. I have NO idea.

I'm not sure. I haven't made up my mind. I don't know what is going on, but I like it.
At least I think I do. I don't know. At the very least, I'm confused and enjoying every minute of it.
I think I like Libby. There is something about her. So far, she has met my requirements, yet I don't know what I think. More importantly I don't know what I think.
Wait. I don't think I like her. I do. And I'm ok with that. So far, she has fit what I'm looking for. I like her. Great. I like her. Yet, today I think we may have had our first fight.
Well, kinda.
It was via text. I don't know if it counts if it is over text or if it is the way it happened.
We have had our disagreements on social, moral and political views. (She hasn't read this blog yet, so she hasn't seen the light when it comes to political truth. Once she does, all of these issues will vanish like a pat of butter in a frying pan. I'm sure of this.) She voted and worked the call center for Obama. The pain this information has caused me is outweighed by my admiration in her beliefs. Someone who is committed to a cause, someone who has a conviction, understanding of current events and/or is able to express themselves in a rational manner - well, that's sexy to me. Strange to come from me? I know. But, I do find it very sexy.
When it comes to how I feel about her, I officially don't know. I'm a guy. I'm not in touch with my feelings much. (I dare you to find a blog where this is contridicted. Ten points if you do!) It is not a requirement. I think that I will know the next time I see her. It has been more than a week, actually two weeks, if I'm not mistaken, since I have seen her. (She has gone on vacation for a week to CA for Spring Break.) I hope that with the next time I see her something concrete is formed.
To my knowledge, she has no idea of this blog. This is why I feel so free to write about her. Perhaps one day, in the far future, she will know of it's existence. Then she will know of my thoughts during our early days.
But, back to the original purpose of this post...
I am confused, yet see incredible potential. I admit, I have felt this in the past, yet I feel this more-so than others in the past. Which? Both. Yet, none of the above and all of one. I don't know. Yet, I hope I do.
This Wednesday was going to be an important day. She was going to get off of work, stop by my home and I was going to cook for her. The dinner was going to be great. Candles, flowers and everything. What I had hoped for would be most girl's dream, right? However, that was put on hold today.
She let me know that she was working late that day and would have to leave early that evening due to her unGodly wake-up each day for work. (She gets up at 5am. I go to bed at this time. See the contriversay in this?) This would of limited our time together to roughly an hour and a half total time together. This is just barely enough time to appreciate a great Zucker film.
In order to accommodate for the loss of time, she recommended a wine bar halfway between her work and my home. This would eliminate any of my previous plans. It also would make her the sole control of the date. If you know me, I like to be in control. I'm a Leo. That's where we feel most comfortable.
She is a wine and theater kind of girl. I'm a beer and football kind of guy. We lack similarity in that respect and thus far we have experienced her world. I really wanted her to experience mine. However, each place we have been has had to do with wine. Mind you, she lived quite a while in California's wine country. Yet, I am done with wine. It ain't my bag. Get me a 7/7 or a Miller Light and a shot of Jameson. I desire a place that sells pizza and domestic cheep-ass beer by the plastic pitcher. (If she only knew of my main hang-out in Bolingbrook where a fight breaks out at least once a night and Drew Peterson visits on a nearly weekly basis! And, no, I will not go into anything else!)
So, I eventually went with her suggestion. I figure while giving in to this small aspect of our very new relationship, I will increase the potential of it's growth. It is either go to this wine bar or not see her. I would rather see her, despite giving up anything that I would of planned. Plus, from what I can tell, she seems extreamly excited to see me as well.
I enjoy talking with her. I enjoy being around her. I enjoy her. I guess, in some regard, in giving up what I had planned, I am winning. At least that's what I'm telling myself tonight in order to sleep better as a man.
Was this a fight? Was this an argument? I don't think so. If it was, I lost. I think. I don't know. It's not like I'm mad. I guess if I were, it would have been a fight. Had there been any emotional involvement, then perhaps it would have been a fight. Instead it is just a change of venue. I'm definently making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. I'm aware of this. But, I thought I would share these thoughts with you anyway.
Whatever. I think I may have given up the upper-hand. Maybe she has no more respect for me. Perhaps she sees me as less of a man because I agreed to such terms. But, her reasoning was that if we met closer to her work we could spend more time together. Which sounds like a common goal for both of us. It is so logically sound. (Plus, I'm possitive that she is crazy about me! Can ya blame her?)
Now to find some common political ground! That would be awesome!
She told me that this Sunday she was free and perhaps we could do what I had planned for Wed on that day. What she doesn't realize is that things have completely changed. She will no longer be getting the home-cooked meal that I had planned on making her. Instead that will come much later in our relationship. This Sunday will be all about me. More details later.
I will let you know how Wednesday and Sunday went soon. Keep tuned, friends. Oh, and any thoughs, oppinions, advice or anything of the nature will be appreciated. Should you feel the need to be incredably honest, I encourage comments even more. Should you wish to hide your thoughts, e-mails on MySpace and Hotmail will be read. Should you not know these addresses, let me know and they shall be yours. I thank you. Wish me luck. It is WAY past my bedtime. And even more past Libby's.


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