John Mc

This is a collection of my thoughts. Some of the thoughts that I once had, I no longer do. Some thoughts I have now I have never had. Yet none shal be discounted. This blog is soley for the enjoyment of the author and the readers. On occasion the views expressed are overly exagerated in order to prove a point. Also there may be a dirty word or thought in some of the posts. Grow up and take this for what it's worth - a blog that barely anyone will ever see.


My Own TextsFromLastNight

One of my new obsessions is a site that I have discussed before known as If you haven't checked it out by now, I sincerely suggest you do so.
While you are there, you will notice that there is a way to submit your own on the right. I have attempted to do this with several of the texts that I have sent to or received from friends. Instead, they have gone unnoticed (except for one) from the screeners of the site. So, after coping with my rejection, I decided to post them here. No names have been used to protect the far-from-innocent.

B) There's an ap for that

A) You are in Detroit in a Hawks Jersey as the Wings are about to lose? You're insane. You are going to be killed!
B) Redwings fans are p_ _sies so I'll be fine.
A) I just read that Detroit has guns now.
B) S_ _ T GUNS?!?!?!?! F_ _ kin Obama
(Time passes and the game ends)
A) PIT WINS! PIT WINS! Now is the time for you to RUN!
B) Noit yeyt
B) Everyone is going home oh no dontr fo yerty thye party is judty started
A) You are going to die.
B) I just askrd this goirl if I could see her red wing.
A) And...?
B) still waiting!
A) Tell her you know The John Mc. and that he has even been to your house.
(Time passes)
A) Did it work?
B) She has a tongue ring!
A) Keep me updated.
(More time passes.)
A) Well?
B) Hammered and alone in hotel room

From my co-worker in the bathroom at the restaurant: A) Take 30's order, im puking lol
(30 is a reference to table 30 in the restaurant. My favorite part of that one is the "lol" at the end of it. He claims that it was genuine. This despite the fact that he didn't get out of the bathroom for roughly 2-3 hours after that text and I had to cover his entire section.)

A) iat fridays now drinking since 5 I'm such a lush.
(This was sent at 7:21 that day. She had been drinking since 2, not 5. She drank until 2 AM that night. She got kicked out of the restaurant that we all work at right after she struck up a conversation with our boss as if she had no idea who the boss was. It was a bad scene.)

For this next one, you need to know that was have $4 drink specials on Sundays as a part of a "Stimulus Package" at work. We make fun of them often.

A) Stimulify dat echonamy, biznitch!
B) Lmfao. Thats our new motto
A) The video is now up online.
(That's the video you see above.)
B) From last night?
A) No. The one from your screen test during your interview at _______ (The name of the restaurant where we work)
B) Oh thank god. My screen test i cried and i think i peed a little lol
A) It happens to the best of us. Just not me.
B) Lol it will
A) Are you now able to tell the future like Paul Mooney?!
B) Negrodamus
A) I was going to let you say it because I can't. You know, being white and all.
B) I know.

A) _______ has found a girl who just told him that she has a stripper pole in her bedroom. He is making good progress, but could still use your prayers.
B) Done.
A) _______ appreciates your support.

A) How's the new job?
B) I hate floor plan,you check out w an atm machine,its disgusting,no one will pick up a shift unless u pay them,we got a drag queen and another server stabbed a guy on the greenline.
A) Sounds lovely.

A) What was her dad doing on CBS Morning news with her? Did you see that?
B) I think her dad is border line retarded

A) You never know when Ghosts will be following you around. Constantly take pictures and look for those orbs.
B) Omg I f'ing hate u

A) Trivia tonight?
B) Fo Sho
A) Ok. We'll be there.
B) Thanks for the warning.
A) Maybe we won't be going, then!
B) Sounds like someone needs to switch out their tampon.
A) You're an ass.
B) Sounds like someone can't take a joke.
A) Not funny. jus wait till later haha
B) Because you can't think of anything to say now?
A) Haha ya

A) I?m in sioux city. CALL ME my phone will not be in service much longer.

A) Get out here. You are a lazy-ass bastard!
B) No just one hungover bastard. I fell in a bush last night and was blackout hammered at the wedding reception.
A) You went to a wedding reception after your adventure in Detroit?
B) Yeah open bar with my buddy Mr. Beam. In addition to letting every Wing fan that it was awesomethey lost. Oh and flirted with a few.
B) But told her I don't bang ugly girls.

A) Dude hammered thinking of old females...... then wanna break shit mode. Luckily no civilians around to die.

A) You commin' out to $1 drink night?
B) As tempting as that is I will have to decline. I've been neglecting the couch. By the way I might be high but I think the girls in front of me art talking 3 way

A) This is perfect fishing weather.
B) Big time
A) We should go sometime.
B) Right now?
A) No. Soon.
B) Soon.

There ya have it. Those are some of the more recent gems. I may have done the one about the dad on TV before, but I liked it so much I posted it again. Before you ask, I didn't go to Detroit and yes, the last one was a continuation (if you will) of one from two nights prior.
If you have some good ones, post them as comments on here.

Labels: , , , , , , , , , , ,


Post a Comment

<< Home