The Thrill Of Victory, The Agony Of The Whole Damn Thing!

The Olympics are back and in full force from Italy. And I couldn’t care less. I have never really cared much for the Olympics, and I think it stems from the fact that they mess up my regular TV viewing. I have become really addicted to “My Name Is Earl” and “The Office” and I won’t be able to see them because America would rather watch sledding. Really? You’ve got to be kidding me.
I know. I’ve heard all about the “spirit of competition” and “International harmony” and all that crap. But, come on. Did you see the opening ceremonies? They made about as much sense as Mush Mouth becoming a motivational speaker. They had the running of the tree people, mega man with fire coming out of his helmet, a blimp that gave 1/2 the world nightmares for 3 days, plastic cows and other stuff that I wasn’t able to identify. And the countries were introduced with 70’s and 80’s music. NONE of it made sense. I now know what an acid trip feels like. Did Pakistan really want to be introduced to “YMCA?” Did they choose that? Were they in a big huddle off camera going “Ok, we have to choose between ‘I Will Survive,’ ‘Like A Virgin’ and ‘YMCA’ - any thoughts? The only good part was the pyrotechnics. Those were better than any Metallica show I’ve been to, but they did not make up for Yoko Ono. Who the hell invited her? What was the Olympic Committee thinking when they made that selection? Surely they could have gotten someone more likable like... Saddam. What does she have to do with sports anyway? Or world unity in general?! If she was for world unity, she wouldn’t have broken up The Beatles.
At least I didn’t see any lame mascot like we had in Atlanta. I never understood that. To this day NO ONE can even remember its name let alone its purpose. Who was it rooting for? America? We developed a mascot to root for our own team when we hosted? That’s a bit rude. So, it must have been rooting for... everyone? Then what the hell’s the point? It served NO purpose. SOMEONE ALWAYS WON! They had to. Otherwise the games would have been as pointless as the mascot.
The worst part of this whole experience is the news coverage. Due to the time delay, the news outlets know who won what and where everyone placed BEFORE it is broadcast here. And because it’s hosted on NBC, and there isn’t an NBC news radio station, the CBS or ABC owned news outlets don’t care about spoiling the surprise. They are hoping you say “Well, what’s the point in watching now, I’ll just check out ‘CSI: Canton’ instead tonight and hope that they don’t do that again tomorrow.” The news coverage is like that annoying friend that we all have that always gives away the ending of movies.
“Did you see ‘King Kong’ yet?”
“No, don’t spoil it for me.”
“Man, Peter Jackson took some liberties with that one.”
“I don’t want to hear about it.”
“The ape dies in the end.”
“Damnit!”
“And I didn’t see how Mothra fit into everything, but it worked well.”
“Will you just SHUT UP!”
Call me unpatriotic or whatever you’d like. I can’t stand to see another minute of this crap. So, say a prayer with me that the closing ceremonies come soon so I can go back to watching my regular TV and not have to put up with this much longer. It only lasts a week, right? Please tell me it isn’t more than a week!