It's Always Something

So, I was driving up to Bolingbrook to meet up with everyone last night talking with a Verizon rep about my bill. I tried to understand what it was that she was saying about my charges. With the $10.08 here and the $214.18 remaining balance and then the additional $9.99 for text messaging and all sorts of other confusing numbers, both of us were confusing each other. And SHE was the one with all the info on the screen! So as she's about to rip her hair out, I'm trying to end the call because my "check engine" light came on. So did this light that stands for fluids and battery. (Which is convenient for pinpointing a problem) Finally, I ease her pain by just saying "Do what you got to do and I'll look at it online later." She seemed content with this, gave the mandatory closing of something like "never stop working for you," or something and I slammed closed my phone. This was before I had the opportunity to ask about the hands free phone pictured above.
So, I pull off to a gas station to see what I can see. I checked all the fluids, and they seemed to be fine. And the battery is only 2 months old, so it couldn't possibly be that! So, I progressed down the road.It wasn't 15 miles later that my power steering went out. Which is hard to determine when driving on I-57, it being so straight you wish for some sort of steering control similar to cruise control so you can doze though the boring parts. (Heck, there isn't anything BUT boring parts!)So, shortly after that, electrical aspects of the car started dying off as if the car was possessed. First the radio, then the dash lights, then the windshield wipers, and the headlights began to dim. The car lurched forward and then died as I was coasting down the road. So, I curse. A lot. I even make up new ones. I get so frustrated I dial 911. I remembered that even in poor cell areas that 911 works and it is a priority call. I couldn't see any city lights, so I assumed that I was in a poor cell area. Hell, these people were probably just two steps above Amish.
So, after I figured I pay for 911 service each month on my cell phone, it's about time that I make use of it, I got the operator to send a cop to me. Half-hour later, he arrives. Can you tell me that for 30 miles in either direction there wasn't a single state cop? How could this be? And if there was, what kind of crimes was he preventing? Cow tipping? Water tower spray painting?So, I hop in his cruiser, he radios for a truck and tells me that they'll take it to a place that he has his own car worked on. "Great. Thanks." And at this point I realize that there isn't a shop open at 10pm that will fix this, I need to spend the night in... Where are we? Gilman Illinois? Great. The producer of Regis & Kelly has his own town of a whopping 1500!So, he runs my plates while we wait. Formality? Nope, he was just bored. Found out that my license plates were expired and my drivers license was expired. AND this would be my 3rd and 4th moving violation in the past year meaning that I was sure to be arrested.
When it rains, it pours.
He started writing on his little pad making small talk. "So, what do you do?" "Currently? Avoiding cops at all costs." I wish I had just dialed 411 instead now. He had me sign his yellow paper and handed it to me. "I am giving you a warning for both of them. You've had a tough enough time tonight." Wow. An Illinois State Cop who wasn't a dick. Amazing. I thanked him and we waited for the tow truck. He played solitaire on his little cop computer in the car. I watched wanting to let him know that the black 8 would fit perfectly on the - ok, shuffle the deck again. Nice to see that your level of reasoning and deduction as a police officer is flawless. I guess I shouldn't be so mean, he didn't haul me off.

The adventure has just begun. More details in my next post!