Almost Great

I was flipping through a magazine recently, I think it was "Stuff." I could be wrong, but it doesn't matter. I noticed that they recommended this pair of boots for $400. I can't imagine spending $400 on footwear. I know that women have their "shoe issues," but a guy who is interested in the fairer sex does not have these irrational desires. My shoes are an average of $80. And I wear them every day for at least a year to get the full use out of them. My hair cuts are not $100 a piece, they are $10 at "Great Clips." Sometimes $7 with a coupon.
It is pretty boastful to call themselves "Great Clips." I don't recall a time that I have ever left the chair saying "Wow. The only possible adjective to describe this hair cut would have to be 'great.' Thank you, overweight, middle-aged, Polish woman with the short unnaturally colored hair. This is truly great. And I'm so glad that you cut my hair instead of the perfectly proportioned 20-something that was busy with the crying 5-year-old when my name was called. There was no way I was praying for her instead of you. Plus your thick accent which made your English impossible to understand when you asked important questions about the shaping of my hair made this an ever more pleasant experience. You have definitely earned your tip today. I now also don't have any of the unnecessary stresses of asking out a very attractive girl. I know that you have been married for decades now. But, please allow me to stress again the 'great' job you have done. Bravo."
It is usually a good hair cut. I leave feeling alright. No real enthusiasm has entered my step after a "great" hair cut, however. Just don't get me started on "Super Cuts."