Produce Pete

I really wish I had this up for Halloween. Oh well, Thanksgiving is the same thing. Just no costumes and we eat turkey instead of candy and the day is about giving thanks for the blessings we have and not scaring away bad spirits through the use of carved gourds. Other than that, the same thing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Beware

Each year it happens right around Halloween. Usually within two weeks after Halloween, right in the center of football season and around the time that everyone is used to wearing at least a jacket each day, it comes back.
An unsuspecting nation is subjected to the return of - THE MCRIB.
Each year it returns. And each year I can't remember if I want to indulge myself in the McRib once again. I have completely forgotten whether or not the McRib was a sandwitch worthy of a second attempt. That is until about two years ago when I made a mental note:

"The McRib could very well be the most lethal sandwich ever created by man."

The "Rib" aspect of the sandwich must be a lie. It doesn't resemble a good rib at all. The BBQ sauce is laughable. It must be the most generic greasy, gelled crap that has ever resembled anything edible. If I'm not mistaken, aren't there pickles and onions on there as well? When was the last time that anyone put pickles on their half-slab? Ribs are pretty simple. They are ribs and BBQ sauce. Nothing more. Why include extra elements if the original assembly has gotten so much mileage?
After the first bite of the McRib, my thought was always "Damnit. I remember this now." The second is "Well, I bought it. Might as well finish it."
Buyers remorse was invented after someone ate a McRib. I would guess that no one in the history of man has ever finished a McRib and felt better about themselves or the world around them. Instead they are wondering if the last thing they eat is processed rib, awful sauce and a pickle.
Then the process of self-torture comes into play as you force your system to "Keep it down." If the body rejects the McRib, it is just a sign that you are healthy. If it is accepted, you need to go to an "Immediate Care" facility and have them run the "McRib Series" of tests on you. It will be painful, but help is right around the corner.
There are now protests focused around the McRib. It isn't to raise awareness of the health issues associated with it, they are instead hosted by miss-guided Southern California residents. While majority of the rest of the country is subjected to this awful meat-based scare, Southern California has been spared. (No pun intended) They are upset that they aren't able to select the way and manner in which they will meet their maker. The OC Register wrote an article on the plight of So. Cal. Click here for the article. The article talks about a McDonald's executive: " The female exec essentially said the McRib doesn’t show up that often in restaurants because sales aren’t good enough to sustain the product for a very long time." Of course this is true. After the first attempt, the diner recalls that they dislike the inherit McGenocide that this sandwich could provide Americans. Thus, they take it off the menu to create temporary processed meat amnesia (TPMA) which causes a re-sampling of what should never be ingested.
What I like about the article is that they have quotes from some of the readers. Eric said " The only Mikey D’s sandwich I’ve ever thrown away instead of finishing was a McRib………..Yuck-O!" Yuck-O is right, my friend. Yuck-O. Meatloafer (Tragically, his actual name. His parents wanted to express to the world that they feel meat doesn't contribute much to society. What a cruel childhood he has experienced) wrote "There is no such thing as fake meat, but there such meat at Clown Meat. But it tastes kinda funny." Obviously the stresses of his name and the exposure to The McRib have altered his thinking to assume that this was a constructive contribution to a very serious meat debate. My favorite is from "Dumb In OC" and they write: "If I wanted to put toxins in my body, I’d opt to do drugs - at least you get a high out of it…" I guess not everyone in The OC is dumb.
Follow the Dumb warning: AVOID THE MCRIB. It is not something that you want to eat. Should you fall to the temptation of The McRib, the McTerrorists have won.

Week Number Nine

Halloween is over. The air is colder this week. The Bears are back on the field. All is right with the world once again.
All we need to do is get this damn election over with. I venture to guess that majority of people will share this sentiment. I think I'm going to be voting for Matt Forte'.
Here is who is going to win this week:

BUFF over NYJ
CHI over DET (Expect a blow-out. At least 4-digits for Da Bears.)
JAX over CIN
CLE over BAL
TB over KC
TEX over MIN (This may actually be a good game. TEX has learned to play this year.)
STL over AZ
TEN over GB (GO TEN!!!)
DEN over MIA (This will be my first upset of the week. DEN isn't getting the credit they deserve.)
NYG over DAL
ATL over OAK (My second upset. It is hard NOT to bet against OAK. Watch Matt Ryan light things up today. He's an under-rated QB.)
PHI over SEA
IND over NE (Peyton may actually win against the Patriots!)
WAS over PIT (Finally, a good Monday Night game!)

Enjoy football this week. Go Bears!