Chuck Norris

It is rare that I get an e-mail that I find worthy of forwarding. This is the first e-mail I felt was worthy of me publishing here for all to learn from and enjoy. If you ever wondered how much of a bad-ass Chuck Norris is, this should clear everything up for you. Oh, and props to Jug-HEAD for sending me this valuable information.

For those of you who don't think highly of the Chuck Norris Award, rememberthere is no greater man on this planet than he. If you don't believe me,just ask him. Here is how Chuck describes himself.......only he does so as if he speaks about himself in the third person.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay,
but because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia
Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise,"
and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth
from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was
far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb
on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned
an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for
writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the
paper.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the hell down.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't
the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as
the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for
Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the
probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
When a tsunami happens, it's because Chuck Norris has been swimming
laps in the ocean.
The only thing Chuck Norris fears is Chuck Norris.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with
Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're
still alive, it's because Chuck Norris loves you.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records
it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those
listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of
tennis.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected
with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of
course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower
the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can
actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris's chest hair has chest hair
The weapons of mass destruction in Iraq were actually Saddam's
attempt to clone Chuck Norris. President Bush would not allow Walker
Iraqi Ranger; the ultimate weapon of mass destruction.
Chuck Norris doesn't need birth control. His sperm destroys the egg.
Chuck Norris invented Viagra, but only so the rest of us could dream
of achieving his god-like libido.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a horn in his pick-up truck. Instead he
channels all his road rage in one gigantic roar of pure manhood. The
roar is so powerful that it makes all the other vehicles implode
instantly, killing everybody sitting inside them. He then roundhouse
kicks his way out of his imploded truck.
There's no such thing as a near death experience. There is however, a
near Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris doesn't experience miracles, he makes them.
Chuck Norris built Rome in a day. Consequently, all roads lead to
Chuck Norris too.
Ever heard of someone killing two birds with one stone? Chuck Norris
kills entire species.
Chuck Norris is so badass that Oreos separate in the package for him.
Chuck Norris only likes the cream.

The Year In Photos

MSN.com has put together some pictures of what has happened this year. You might find them interesting.

People we lost this year:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10495530/?GT1=7516

The year in pictures:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10467269

Enjoy!
-John

Two New Blogs

Once I start a blog, it seems that everyone else starts one up. Here are two more friends that have one:

Jughead's:
http://jugheadisweird.blogspot.com/

Mark's:
http://MarcusWelbyMD.blogspot.com

The opinions expressed on these blogs are not necessarily mine, unless I post on 'em. Enjoy!

Ah, The Bears

What an incredible game last night. Probably the best Bears game of the season. Michael Vick didn't see what hit him. When he woke up, he was told that it was the number one defence in the entire NFL - The Chicago Bears Defence.
How awesome. I'm still happy about what happened last night.
Now it's off to teach The Packers a lesson or two on Christmas day!

Christmas House

Like Christmas lights? Even if you don't, you should check out this video:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4983931962566123785

It is one of the coolest things that I have ever seen!
Enjoy,
-John

My response

My response to "Anonymous" is as follows:

You post as "Anonymous." Why? Who are you? And the $ may have played a part in Stern's decision, but no one but Stern will ever know that. (And it must be split with his entire staff, not Stern.) I doubt that he would censor himself for any sum. 1) I bet he has enough $. 2) That would ruin all he's accomplished over the years.
We can't watch over our kids all the time, but it is the parents that permit their children to be subjected to programming that is designed for adults that are the ones in question here. For a child to walk past a radio that might have Stern's show on it won't do as much damage as the idiots that let a 10 year old watch an R-Rated film.
The beauty of Free speech is that it protects ALL Free speech. From a church service to a KKK meeting - protected. It doesn't just protect what the mainstream America deans as appropriate. BUT, that's what the FCC is doing! ANYTHING can be said on the radio, but should one old lady dislike it and write in to the FCC, then the station is fined. It is seen as inappropriate for the community by the governmental agency. So, thus, the government IS regulating Free Speech.
So, essentially, there are things out there that I don't agree with. There are CERTAINLY things that Stern says and does that I don't agree with. However, he does fight for the Freedom of speech. His motives behind it may be up for debate, but none-the-less, he is on the right side of the fight. We may not agree with all the information that we receive, but that is the other side of the freedom coin that we have come to know and love in our 200 + history as the greatest nation on the face of the planet.

Censorship

This Friday is it. This will mark the last day that Howard Stern will be on regular radio. After that you will be able to hear him on Satelight radio (Sirius Radio, to be exact) on January 9th 2006. Why did he leave? Because the FCC is INSANE!!! They have gotten WAY out of control and are limiting the rights that we have in our Freedom of speech. They are restricting the trade of information and putting tariffs on what you are able to think and feel. Radio has become The FCC's bitch. Let me give you a recent example:
Janet Jackson showed her boob on national TV during the Super Bowl. All CBS affiliates who showed it were fined several months later for the incident. But, did the FCC come down harder on all television broadcasts? Nope. They came down harder on radio. It was after that moment in Super Bowl history that radio got new restrictions wrapped around it. Here's how insane they are:
If I should say "Fuck" on the radio, my finantial future is ruined. For a nano-second of the right combination of sounds placed together on the radio, I am crushed finanitally. I can be fined PERSONALLY up to $500,000. Anyone reading this have that lying around? This is not only where it ends, a second fine can be given to the radio station of $3,000,000! Most radio stations can afford that if they are in a major market. Stations out of the top 50 markets would have to go under. And they would probably sue the DJ for their losses, adding onto the $500,000 that the DJ would be out. This would snowball from the DJ saying it OR even a listener! If one of the people that I put on the air accidentally slips up and talks like a normal human being, I take the heat.
See how stupid it's become? It is a never-ending ruination of the freedom of speech that we hold so dear. THAT is why Stern is leaving. Who would put up with this kind of crap?! Who could afford to? He is one of the few that would be able to. Mancow and the rest, perhaps. But why continue to wage a battle against a governmental agency that is being swayed by the wacko religious right.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm Catholic and I attend mass each week and believe what I believe. However, it is the wackos that are so far right that have pushed for these stricter laws not even taking into consideration the average DJ or the fact that there is a channel select knob on their radios. It is this collection of wack-jobs that I liken to the extreme Muslims who fly planes into buildings for Jihad. Most Muslims are kind, rational people. Most Christians are as well. It is the extreme nut-jobs that give the rest of us/them a bad name.
And what does it all boil down to? Bad parenting. Yup. Bad parenting. The biggest argument that the wackos use is "for the sake of the children." Bullshit. You don't like the message being put out, so you want to change it. It has nothing to do with the children. However, if your 10 year old is listening to Stern, you are a bad parent. Yup. It isn't Stern's fault. It is the parent's fault. Stern is OBVIOUSLY meant for a twisted, sick adult audience. (And trust me, there is a nitch that he's filling quite nicely!) He is NOT designed for those who still watch Saturday morning cartoons.
It is these brain-dead parents that are not PARENTING that are ruining it for the rest of us. They are the ones who can't figure out how to use the damn V-Chip on their TV (Most TV's after 1996 have this BUILT IN) to prevent their kids from watching all sorts of wretched shit on TV. What does this amount to? BAD PARENTING. That is the key to this WHOLE thing. If you were a good parent, you'd have channels with a rating that would be inappropriate for your child BLOCKED! Take the extra 5-10 minutes to program the V-Chip to do that and the rest of us can make up our mind what we want to see and what we don't.
We don't need the Puritan based government to decide for us. We are rational adults. We should be able to decide. Why does the government want to step in? To control the flow of information. 1984 has come and gone. And I'm not talking about the Van Halen album. So, from some perspectives, the wacko religious right could be seen as scape goats from a governmental agency that wishes to control the flow of information. Because information controls how we react to life. It forms our opinions on topics. And thus it would also influence our feelings on political aspects and would thus sway us, eventually, toward one candidate or another.
So, this is bigger than Stern. This is bigger than the average parent. This is a LONG ASS POST! But, if parents would parent and start getting INVOLVED in their child's life, none of this would be an issue. None of this.

You let your 10 year old listen to Stern = BAD PARENT.
You let your child watch movies that are rated for older people (for example, an "R-rated" film being seen by a child under the age of 17) = BAD PARENT.
You don't have time or the desire to obtain the knowledge on how to set up your V-Chip = BAD PARENT.
You work so much you don't have time to be involved in your child's life and let the radio/TV/and or other forms of media raise your child = BAD PARENT.
Your child listens to hardcore explicit lyrics in music from CD's or the radio = BAD PARENT.

The media should NEVER be blamed for the actions of a child. The PARENTS need to be blamed. The FCC fines are doing nothing productive and are completely out of line. Good bye, Stern. We'll miss you.

Respect

Been thinking about this for a long time and realized that respect for one's self is key to happiness. And without respect for yourself, others will probably not respect you either. Everyone else seems to be able to pick up on it.
Where is this exhibited? In your work is an obvious place. In what you do at your job or school, how you keep yourself and your home and how you interact with others. Do you have respect for the product that you put forth? Is it the best that it can be? Did you just wing it, or did you give it your all? This is a measure of self-respect.
Your interactions with others is also a key measure of respect. I have dated a great deal in the past year. But, never did I ever date someone exclusively and saw someone else on the side. This is cheating. Did I ever go on dates with several women at the same time? Sure. But, never while we were exclusive. This only comes back to haunt you. Either when they find out (and they usually do) or it slowly eats at you on the inside. While you try to lead a double, triple (or more) life, you begin to wonder if the effort(s) that you are putting forth are worth it. And guilt begins to creep up as you cheat others. Sleep is more difficult and you don't feel as happy as you could with a sound relationship.
That is my goal. A sound relationship with respect. Respect for myself, respect for her, her respect for me and her respect for herself must be key. I have friends who are dating several people at the same time. I couldn't do that. I couldn't live with myself. I know people who don't give their all at work/school. I couldn't do that. I know people who don't keep themselves and their world in a respectable manner. I can't imagine that.
In my continued quest for happiness in life, this is one of the small truths that I've come across. I have people in my life that I respect. I respect me. And I demand respect from those around me, but I realize that this must be earned through my actions and interactions.
Simple really, but why is it so difficult for others to realize? Oh, well. It doesn't effect me. Perhaps my cold attitude towards those I have lost respect for will make a lot of things easier. That part I haven't decided yet.

Deuce Begins With A Crash

Rented two movies recently. I like renting them in pairs. A drama (of sorts) and a comedy. Somewhat the Yin & Yang of renting, I recommend it. Got Batman Begins and Deuce Bigalo European Gigalo.
First I watched Deuce. Not good. Not good at all. I enjoyed the first one. But, the second one lacked greatly. The only funny part is at the end. (If you are concerned about a spoiler, don't worry, this isn't. If you are concerned about a Deuce Bigalo European Gigalo spoiler, you need to give your priorities a once-over.) Norm MacDonald has a role in the film. Granted a small role, but a role, none-the-less. (Hell, it was bigger than any role I've ever had in a film, so back off) They had the "afterward" credits for each character. Deuce lives happily ever after. T.J.'s Business takes off. But, the only funny part of the movie was against Norm MacDonald's gruff Irish Man Whore image flashes on the screen "Norm MacDonald still wishes he had a sitcom."
Good stuff. Too bad the rest of my life was wasted for one sentence that actually made me laugh out loud.
Batman Begins, however, GREAT FILM! They do a good job of creating an involved and intriguing story about a character that everyone knows about. (And after Batman & Robin, is sick of) They went back into the seedy darkness of the first two movies and less like the comic book crap of the final two. I would recommend this rental as well as one I saw the week before.
Crash was also AWESOME. It is a film about racism in L.A. It isn't some watered down obvious message from Spike Lee or something, but instead a very intelligent story of how stranger's lives are interwoven into each other's and how their slight interactions, prejudices and reactions have a great effect in the development (or lack there of) of each of the characters in the film. It isn't just a black and white thing either. Instead it explores the entire scope of racism.
And it reminded me of one of my pet peeves. The term "reverse racism." This is used when blacks are discriminating against whites. There is no such thing. Racism isn't a white thing. It can be held by those who wish to hold it no matter what race they are.
Oh well, time to get off the soap box and go back to the funny post writer that had mentioned Deuce Bigalo European Gigalo at the beginning of this post. Sorry!

An Hour and A Half Long Mistake

So, I drove up to Chicago last night. Things were fine. Exited off of 294N and was about to merge onto 55S when a Chrystler 300M or whatever (the Chrystlers that are trying to look like Mercedeses) slides sideways into my rear passenger side. Causing my car to pull a 180 across all lanes of traffic to end up 1/2 way in the speed lane and 1/2 way off the road FACING oncoming traffic at an angle. I'm so pissed I leap out of my car and walk over to the 300M driver while cars sip by me at 75 mph just inches away.
SHE rolls down her window. I ask her if she's ok. She informs me through sign language that she's deaf. I put my thumb and index finger together while raising the other three in the "OK" hand sign (not the only one I was thinking of giving her.) and pointed at her. She nodded. I then walked back to my car and called *999 for the cops.
Tow truck came. Neither car needed to be towed. I think it was a guy who was just hoping for some extra dough. But, he told us to get our cars out of that area because it is extremely dangerous. I find it interesting that a tow truck got there before the cops.
We moved about 3 blocks ahead (try communicating this to the lady so she understands that you aren't leaving her behind) to a safer area. She hands me her cell phone and motions for me to answer it. Some guy is on the other line telling me that he's her interpreter and he'll be there in 5 minutes. The cop shows up and asks if we want a report written.
By this point, I just want a check and to be on my way. But, they could cancel payment on the check, I guess. So her interpreter shows up and we all decide to get a report.
I have no idea why it took 45 minutes to write the report, but it did.
And there went my entire evening. I should have just come up Saturday morning like I was planning on doing. Probably could of spent some of the evening with Dusti Lynn on the couch, but who knows. Tonight better be worth it!
Oh, and somewhat of a side-note. Perhaps a bit sick, but purely unintentional. When I got home and took off my winter jacket, I realized that I had on my smart ass shirt that said "I can see your lips moving, but all I hear is 'blah, blah, blah.'" Wrong? I thought so.

Christmas Party

Forgot to tell you what I did a week ago - The WCRC Christmas Party. Well, our other radio stations were there too, but we are the best radio station and are the only ones that deserve a mention.
I always look forward to this party. Not because of the good meal, the fellowship between co-workers, the dancing or anything other than the drinking. Not by me, but by my co-workers. Because now I have something to hold over their heads for a full year. And trust me, it's some good stuff that shouldn't be published on the internet!
Lookin' forward to several other Holiday Parties goin' on in Du Page. Got a very special birthday on the 17th and a Holiday party on the 23rd... I think. So, I'll be up EVERY weekend this month. Hope folks appreciate th 6 hours round trip to enjoy their festivities! See you soon.

Back Up North

Put in a demo at a radio station in Chicago that's looking. This came from an insider tip from a fellow radio warrior. He then let me know after I sent it that they are looking for a female voice. So, I wasted some of my time, apparently. THANKS! Oh well. Maybe they'll change their mind as soon as they hear how great I am. Or, perhaps they won't even hear my demo when they see that I'm a dude.
So, since Psycho left, I haven't been out with any chicks. Have talked to a few, but I just haven't had any desire to go out with anyone that I've met or talked to. No one has sparked my interest. I'm kind of sitting out and watching what walks by. If something interesting walks by, I'll get up. But, until then, I'm taking a break.
Except for Saturday. My friend Rick goes to Polish night clubs in the city to pick up chicks. (insert laughter here) But, after several attempts, has got someone. Maria or something is her name. Maybe Mary. Doesn't matter. He's gone out with her several times. And she has a friend. So, Rick, being the good friend that he is, talks me up. Um, probably too much. He has put me on a standard that I doubt that someone with the generosity of Ghandi, personality of Clinton and the sex appeal of Colin Farrel couldn't even live up to.
Anyway, I'm supposed to meet this blonde Polish chick on Saturday night. We'll see. Like I said, I'm sitting this round or two out. If she is interesting, I'll be receptive, otherwise, I'm gonna tell her to go hit on someone else at the bar.
So, I'm gonna be in town this weekend. If you want to meet up with me, get in contact with me. I don't have anything planned for tonight, but if you're up for something, let me know. And Sunday I will be watching the 9-3 Bears get their 10th victory of the season.
At least that's my plans for now. Oh, and sleeping in quite a bit. I can use that.
Work has been a pain in the ass recently. We are moving locations. Yup. Moving. Can you picture how a radio station moves? Neither can management, apparently. They are constantly asking if we are going to need computers and stuff to do our job. "Do you use the main computer that plays the songs on the radio, or can we move it today?" "YES, we need it. Get out of here. I'm on the air!"
So, stress levels are high here at work. And I think they will be even after this 2-3 week move is over. I gotta clean out my office and decide what stays and what goes. I hate this.
Oh, and I've been doing some cleaning at home. My second bedroom was, up until this week, used for storage. And, while it is still to some degree, it now has a second bed in it. One of the guys at work got a new bed and asked me if I wanted his old one. What the hell, I figured. So, when anyone comes to visit me, I have a queen sized bed without sheets in my spare bedroom.
I'll buy sheets when someone is going to stay the night. Until then, I'm not going to sweat it.
That's everything, I think...
I'll write again if I think of anything.

Frozen Breath

Well, you can now see your breath. I assume that there are now all sorts of school children waiting for the bus pretending to smoke now that they can see their breath.
I wonder who the first school child was that did that. Perhaps some Navajo kid was waiting for the school... bison centuries ago and noticed it. Back then it might have been a peace pipe or something instead of Marlboro.
Wonder if they had seat belts on those things. I can't believe that they STILL don't on school busses. What kind of sadistic money saving technique is that?! 30-40 kids protected from death by a burn-out bus driver's lightning fast reflexes, or they end up slammed against the protective high back of the seat in front of them. And we all remember how comfortable those seat backs are. Especially when the scary high schoolers have already ripped them to shreds in a very effective way of erasing the love that they had so proudly displayed just a few weeks prior through the use of a bic pen when the VERY attentive driver wasn't looking.
How's that for a run-on sentence?! Oh well. Just a thought. Or a collection of them.

Been A While

I have been getting e-mails and phone calls from several folks who are wondering where I've been. "You haven't updated your blog in a LONG while." "You dead?" "What's wrong with you? Update yer blog!" And "I miss you. Please enlighten my life once more."
Sorry about that. I've been busy with work. Plus really tired. Maybe I have mono. No idea who might have given it to me, but if I do have it, I have a huge cell phone bill coming up with the calls I have to make...