John Mc

This is a collection of my thoughts. Some of the thoughts that I once had, I no longer do. Some thoughts I have now I have never had. Yet none shal be discounted. This blog is soley for the enjoyment of the author and the readers. On occasion the views expressed are overly exagerated in order to prove a point. Also there may be a dirty word or thought in some of the posts. Grow up and take this for what it's worth - a blog that barely anyone will ever see.


New NFL Picks!

PIT over STL
DAL over CAR
CHI over GB (First upset. [makes sence!] Even though GB will be playing because they could get Home Field Advantage and Da Bears will be playing because they have to.)
CIN over CLE (A risky upset in this heated rivalry)
IND over HOU (This will be a close game, believe it or not.)
DET over KC (ANOTHER good match-up here. Pretty evenly matched.)
BUF over NYG (Third upset.)
JAX over OAK (Obvious one here.)
PHI over NO (Close game here. Should be a good one.)
AZ over ATL
TB over SF
NE over MIA (It would be great if MIA pulled this one off!)
SEA over BAL
TEN over NYJ
MIN over WAS
SD over DEN (This will be a good match-up. Even though it is EXTREAMLY rare to have a good MNF match!)


NFL Picks

HOU over DEN
CIN over SF (SF - what happened to you this year?!)
NO over AZ
ATL over TB (My first upset of the week)
BAL over MIA (If MIA is going to get a win, this may be the week. I don't think so, though.)
CLE over BUF
GB over STL (Please win, STL! PLEASE!)
PIT over JAX
NE over NYJ (Watch the anger in Coach Belicheck's eyes grow with each quarter.)
SEA over CAR
TEN over KC
IND over OAK
DET over SD (Another upset. Stop L.T. Stop him.)
DAL over PHI (This should be a good game.)
NYG over WAS
CHI over MIN (Final upset of the week. Unfortunently, it doesn't matter anymore.)


NFL Picks

CHI over WAS (I know that I missed my opportunity to call this one, but come on. You know who I chose.)
JAX over CAR
DAL over DET
BUF over MIA (Although, this could be the first week MIA could have a win.)
PHI over NYG
GB over OAk
SD over TEN
CIN over STL (This will be a close game. Should be a good one.)
HOU over TB (This is my first upset of the week.)
SEA over AZ
MIN over SF
NE over PIT (This could be the first time that NE falls, but I wouldn't put any money on it. That's why I didn't pick it as an upset either.)
CLE over NYJ
DEN over KC
IND over BAL (With the game that BAL played last week against NE, almost beating NE, this should be a good match-up tonight.)
NO over ATL (Another Monday night game where no one cares. I may have been wrong about last week, but trust me on this week!)


Unwritten Rules Continued

If you frequent this blog, you know that I have started a series called "Unwritten Rules." (I thank both of you that do frequent this blog!) This is a continuation of that. Should you have missed the first two installments, here are the links:

Part One
Part Two

21. One On One

There is never a need to ask a tall guy what the weather is like up there. Also don't ask him if he's good at basketball. They get this EVERY day! You are not original. You are not creative. You are, my friend, annoying.

22. As sounds like Ass

Knowledge is power. Intelligence is the true key to happiness. Thus, people are trying to sound smart. One of the ways that they are doing so is by replacing "Because" with "As." There is no reason to to this other than to sound smarter. "Because" is a fine way to explain why something is occurring. "As" should be reserved for showing that two things are occurring at the same time. For example "You should not play in traffic because you could get a concussion." Instead, we hear "You should not play in traffic as you could get a concussion." I'm assuming that both sentences are grammatically correct, however one makes you sound like less of a pompous ass.

23. Tire Gauge

Part of the driving test SHOULD include parallel parking. This argument has gone on for a long while. However, I feel that it should also include proof of knowledge on how to change a tire. This is not a difficult maneuver and anyone who operates a motor vehicle should have the know-how to do this. Never should a car be towed just because the ditsy blond driving it has no idea what a lug nut is and probably giggles when she hears the term. (Ok, giggling at the term is acceptable. But, not knowing how to change a tire is not.)

24. Give Me My Ten Cents Back!

E-Mail forwards, sadly, are here to stay. There is no getting rid of them. People who lack creativity and have nothing constructive to say to their friends and family will flood your e-mail box with forwards that threaten to give you bad luck until you are 77, your dog dead and the angel of death to become your roommate if you don't send this digital dirty bomb to 10 of your closest friends and family within 34 seconds. What is even worse than the e-mail forward is the text forward. This has GOT to end. Not only do you instantly interrupt what I am doing (Which even if it is only clipping my toe nails, is more important than a text forward) but you cost me ten cents to read something that you didn't even wright. You selected "forward" on your phone to annoy the hell out of those who you have been blessed with their personal cell phone numbers. The next time I get one I will demand financial compensation for your lame-ass text message and the emotional agony that I had to endure from your inconsiderate behavior!

25. Pissed Off

Ever since the mid-90's, Calvin of "Calvin and Hobbs" fame has been urinating on things. It started with Chevy or Ford symbols and branched out to nearly everything. Including the Green Bay Packer symbol. (Which is the only acceptable form of his urination.) However, it is time for this kid to stop. It's old. No one cares. It's more an eye sore of someone who has lost touch with pop culture relevance than a statement of dislike for a corporate symbol. I did recently see a Calvin praying in front of a cross. This seems to be a better option. Perhaps he got that bladder pill that has that catchy song that begins "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now" and now, he is thanking God because he "Doesn't have to go right now."

26. Eat The Worm

Much like Calvin peeing on things, the "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor" shirts have become worn out. No longer is this a catchy saying. It wasn't even that good to begin with. If you can't do four tequila shots, why broadcast that you are a light-weight to the rest of the world? Also done are the "I'm with stupid," "Needs head," and "Take me drunk, I'm home" shirts. The novelty has worn off, and you are just showing us that you are still living in 1997.

27. $100 Fine

It is illegal to park in the handicapped parking spaces and for the most part, we all observe this rule more than most others. (Like the "suggested" speed limit signs on the highway.) However, when we need to use the bathroom, the first stalls we go for are the handicapped ones. Why? They are more spacious. It is your own little corner office and you have hand rails to use if necessary. They are the Cadillacs of stalls. I think it is A-OK to use these. I have never felt guilt. I just fear the one day that I hear the squeak of a wheel chair while I'm in the middle of conducting business.

28. Lens Cap Is On

Sometimes on vacation a family will ask you to take a group photo. What I like to do once they are a safe distance away, I pretend to run. After a few steps I let them know that I'm kidding and take their picture. Before I can do this, however, they feel compelled to let me know that the button for capturing this most special of moments is on the right side of the camera. Is this really necessary? Am I Amish and have never touched a camera before? Has there ever been built a camera that has the button on the left? I wonder if even at the turn of the century when you had to get behind a curtain to take the picture if this was still a required instruction. "The flash pan is on the right. Now we will remain still for the next ten minutes with scowls on our faces."

29. Welcome

Sometime in the past five years, the term "No problem" has replaced "You're welcome." Have you noticed this? I have done my best to break myself of this habit, and it is difficult. When someone says "Thank you," I still feel compelled to say "No problem." Yet, "You're Welcome" is by far the best response for this. Not only does it validate and show appreciation for the "Thank you," but it is also time tested and approved by all. Why was it changed? "No problem" still gets the point across, but it is less appreciative and inviting. I encourage us all to go back to letting our fellow man know that they are, in fact, welcome.

30. Actually, it's "Jack-Ass."

When having a conversation with someone, occasionally the incorrect word is used. It may be a slight mispronunciation or the wrong word all-together. There is usually a jerk listening in who feels compelled to interrupt the story or argument or comment in order to correct the speaker. They will do this despite the rest of the audience being able to determine what the speaker has said based on the very most, context clues. Yet, a slight feeling of superiority takes over and they must blurt out "Do you mean 'taxation withOUT representation?!'" Then they get a smug look on their face and seem not to notice that everyone else in the group has silently called them an asshole.

31. World Wide Waste

The internet has been around for a while. I recall when I first heard of my classmates getting "online" in 1990 through the use of AOL and Prodigy. (Props to those who remember Prodigy, and no, I don't mean the band. In my opinion, the band had very little, if anything to do with the commercialization of the internet.) In 17 years, majority of America is able to assume that internet websites will begin with "www." It is no longer necessary in television and radio commercials to include this. All you are doing at this point is taking up valuable ad revenue and insulting your audience. Sounds like a win-win for

32. "No" No More

When having a conversation with one or more people (This is the recommended way to have a conversation, I've learned.) on occasion, someone wishes to agree with your statement or add to a humorous point of your story. It is not ok for them to begin their statement with "no." I see this as a verbal disregard for the point that you have just brought up and a selfish way to increase the value of what they wish to say. You may say "...and that's why her sheets were BLUE!" (Insert laughter here.) Your friend (or so-called friend says) "No! Remember that girl Jenny? Well..." Just add to the story. It would have been well received as long as it is relevant and on par with the humor/intellect presented in the previously shared story. Instead, he/she has now just verbally discredited all that you have said in order to make their point. This is not a friend. They are an insecure jack-ass.

33. Controlled Fire Is Sexy

Every woman likes candles. I don't know why, but they do.

34. Offspring

Do you have children? Congratulations. I'm sure that you are very proud of them. The rest of the world probably isn't. You may think that they are the cutest, smartest and most well-behaved toddlers in the history of existence. They aren't. You can show us pictures, videos and tell endless stories about them. We will never care for them the way that you do. Is that harsh? Well, sometimes the truth hurts.

35. Let Me Tell You About My Best Friend...

Just because you have a friend who is a different color than you do does not open the door for you to discuss racial issues that apply to them. Racially motivated statements, jokes, comments or anything of the nature went out in the 60's. You are now looked upon by society as ignorant. This goes for ANY race discussing another. It also applies to religion and other aspects of human classification. Should a friend of yours say "It's ok, I have a ____ friend." Walk away. This person is not a friend, but instead, an idiot.

36. A Time-Out On The Field

God made the Earth and He said it was good. God made commercials and said "Let the conversation continue." Commercials were made for talking. No talking is ever permitted when a great song comes on the radio or when Da Bears are on TV beating the hell out of whatever team is facing them this week. God invented commercials to discuss the game, politics, world views or when it is time to take out the garbage.
I'm sorry ladies, but you are the worst when it comes to this. (Not all of you, so don't send any nasty comments!) I've noticed all my life that you disregard this rule. It started with my mom and has continued to every female friend and nearly every girlfriend that I have ever had. The commercial time-out is the only permissible time to have a conversation. The only time that this rule does not apply is when a particularly good commercial is presented. Then this mini-play of corporate America takes precedence over "who you saw yesterday at the mall."

37. January 6th

Christmas lights are a great way to brighten up a dull block during the gray month of December. It shows your festive spirit for one of the most important days in the Christan calender. However, on January 6th (Also known as "Little Christmas") your lights are done. Not only should they be turned off after this date, but they should be taken down. Never should the July sun catch the glimmer of neglected light bulbs hanging from your garage.

38. Premature

Every year Macy's has a Thanksgiving Day Parade on (you guessed it) Thanksgiving. It is the last float that carries Santa as a way to usher in the Christmas season. It is a damn shame that stores are now celebrating Christmas before we get our Jack-O-Lanterns out. I wish there was some way to boycott shopping at these stores, but I need to purchase the new version of "Tickle-Me-Elmo" from somewhere.

39. Blue-Tooth Bastards

Should you walk down the streets of any major city (Chicago being the best of all other cities on the planet.) or even some small towns, you will find jerks with a blue tooth in their ears. On occasion they will be talking on them and you will have no idea until you see the flashing beacon of loser on the side of their head. However, most of the time, the potential for an incoming call is all that they are displaying. This is not a status symbol. You are not showing any importance at all. Instead you look like an extra on Star Trek. I hope that you are wearing a red shirt.

40. Spare A Square

You ever feel down in the dumps about yourself? Do you ever think that someone else is better than you? Always keep this in mind: Everyone poops. Even the heads of state and your favorite celebrities pop a squat once a day. You and them will constantly have this in common. Except for the celebrities like Kate Moss, The Olsen Twins and Nichole Ritchie. They eat so little that they haven't pooped in months.

Do you have any "Unwritten Rules" that you'd like to submit? They may make it into my next series. Post a comment with them in it. Hell, post a comment just for fun so I know that you are out there!

Professor Mc.

Yesterday at 4pm I was on the Dan Ryan in Chicago on my way to my job interview that started at 4pm. I thought I had left with enough time, but not quite. I was five minutes late getting into the office, but the person I was interviewing with was at least ten minutes late making me seem like I was on time. In those ten minutes I chatted with the secretary. Made polite small-talk and agreed with what she said. I have found that it is always in your best interest to make a good impression on the secretary, because the guy that you are meeting with usually values his secretary's opinion.
I feel I made a good impression on her and was soon introduced to the guy I would be meeting with. He is shorter than I am and a lot more energetic. He is one of these guys who is proud of what he has accomplished. And he has every right to be. He ran the most successful FM radio station in Chicago for 30 years as well as another one in the top five. He currently owns 11 stations and is looking to buy more. He has gone back to his old stomping grounds because he had heard that the radio program at his old college wasn't up to par. His goal is to make their radio program the best in the nation so that every radio station would soon say "I want to hire a student from _____ College." (I'm not going to say the name of the college to protect the innocent, namely me.)
It is an extremely lofty goal and I was stunned to hear it. However, I was excited to possibly be a part of it. I was interviewing to teach two classes at this college. He also talked about maybe having me do imaging work for his college radio station. That would be a little more money in the bank for me and not a lot of work.
He asked me how good I was at digital production. (If you know me, I'm not one to brag, but felt compelled to respond in a somewhat boastful manner.) "You will be impressed." is what I told him. He really liked this response.
I was then informed of what would be expected of me and he went into the different possibilities that I had. He then paused and said "Now, do you always dress in a suit, or are you just trying to impress me?" I responded with "I think that's the point of today, isn't it?" He liked that response too. I know it was a little cocky, but he took it the right way.
By the end of the interview, he was telling me when my teaching training would be and the date that I would start. And with the same breath he told me that I would still have to be approved by some other people. Yet, I had his approval. So, I didn't know if I had the job. He then paused and said "Have I heard any of your stuff?" I let him know that I had sent him an e-mail of my MP3's that showed him a bit of what I had done. He told me that he hadn't received it and wanted me to re-send it soon. I let him know that he would have it that night.
As soon as I went home, I put together an e-mail that essentially said "I'm excited that I will be working with you soon. Attached are my demos." He sent back a reply stating that he is looking forward to working with me as well and that he had received them. So, I'm assuming that I have the job. Even though, I never got a hand shake and a "welcome aboard."
So, now I must decide if I keep my serving job. Do I continue DJing weddings? I don't even know what days of the week I will be working for him. I'm not even positive that I will be teaching more than one class. There are so many variables up in the air right now, that I can't really make an educated decision. What I do know is that I am 90% sure that people can start calling me "Professor John Mc."