John Mc

This is a collection of my thoughts. Some of the thoughts that I once had, I no longer do. Some thoughts I have now I have never had. Yet none shal be discounted. This blog is soley for the enjoyment of the author and the readers. On occasion the views expressed are overly exagerated in order to prove a point. Also there may be a dirty word or thought in some of the posts. Grow up and take this for what it's worth - a blog that barely anyone will ever see.


One Day

Perhaps one day Cedric The Entertainer will live up to his name.

P.S. Jimmy Fallon and Chris Kattan - Time's up. You've had your chance to prove your worth and have failed.


A Great Blog

I have two friends, Fran and Sharon who recently had twins. They have set up a beautiful and detailed blog of their new life with their twins. Unfortunately, their daughter, Evie has had some complications and has been in need of surgery. For a remarkable telling of their story, click on the picture below.

Align Center


Taxation Without Representation

I used to be in the Boy Scouts. Yes, I know it is hard to believe that I am, in fact, an Eagle Scout. One of my projects for a required merit badge was to mail the president of the United States. At that time, Bill Clinton was president. While there were many things that I wanted to say to him, I witheld my previous notions and wrote him a watered-down generic letter. I had just started paying taxes and had asked him for a detailed list of what I was paying taxes to. I wanted to know what the government was doing with my money.
I got a responce. You may be expecting a 300 page document telling me everything about what the government was spending my money on. Instead it was a one-page letter expressing their gratitude over my concern for government spending. This letter probably put me on a list that will get me audited in the near future instead of gaining a better understanding of governmental spending.
Yet, to this day I wonder where all of the money that we spend goes. Everything from local taxes such as sales and real estate taxes to governmental like income tax goes without any explanation. Sure, we know of new propositions for a library or rec center. However, the actual per penny spending per person is never explained. As we pay our taxes before April 15th, we blindly assume that our money is going to schools, law enforcement and the betterment of the communities that we live in.
While in reality it could go to funding of programs that we don't agree with. Both socially, morally, and ultamaitly finantially.
Here in Illinois, embriotic stem cell research is being funded by my labor. I HATE that this happens. One would think that something this contrivercial would be funded by private interests alone. Yet, still, my money goes to fund something that I greatly oppose. Despite what Nancy Regan and Michael J. Fox say, they are wrong. I respect Regan and Back To The Future is the best trilogy ever made, yet, they are still wrong.
What I propose is something different. This perhaps is so revolutionary and, perhaps idealigic, that it will never come to pass. I propose that every aspect of our money be voted upon by the voter like a library referendum. However, we would have to narrow down the governemental spending in some regard. Therefore, I propose that it be limited to every program that is proposed above a million dollars. This includes not only national, but also state programs. This proposal would occur every ten years. This way it would not interfear with presidential or congressional elections that often.
Would it not be great to have some control over governmental spending? Granted, we elect represenatives that we hope would represent the greater amount of the state that elected them. But, look at jerk-faces like Dick Durban that have done nothing but embarass Illinois. Would it not be great to tell them "No! I do not wish for you to waste my hard-earned income on something I do not agree with!" even after that jerk-face has been elected.
I realize I'm being idealisitic. I also realize that the possibility of this happening will never probably occur, but wouldn't it be nice?
Until the utopia of govornment occurs where those who are elected are heald responsible, perhaps we can dream that one day America will truely belong to the people and their ethics and beliefs. Until then, your vote counts. Vote at every possible chance you have and hope that the people that you vote for do all that they say that they do. I still await that day after nearly ten years of voting. Until then I stand by the saying "Respect your Country. Question your government."


The Kimmy Chronicles

As the loyal readers of this blog know, (both of you) I work several jobs. I DJ weddings, I work for a national chain restaurant and I teach college. By far, the strangest stories, as of lately, have come from my workings within the restaurant. What we will do today is focus on one person. Her name is Kimmy. (Her name has been changed to protect, well, me. She doesn’t use protection, from what I understand.) All that I’m about to or have said thus far in this blog post is alleged and I’m not legally bound to anything written or said or implied or whatever.
Kimmy is like Paris Hilton. She just doesn’t have the money, fame or looks. Paris isn’t that attractive to begin with, but whatever. Kimmy does, however, share her intelligence with Paris as well as her “active social life.” But, we won’t go into that today. Instead, we will discuss what she has said and done recently.
She ran up to one of the other servers after a table had asked her what was in the fish and chips meal that we had. The server, with a straight face, said “parana.” She ran back to her table and let them know what fish was in the fish and chips. For the next two months, she let every customer who asked know that parana was the catch of the day. That is, until someone over heard her and clued her in on what was really in the fish and chips. She didn’t believe them. Another week of convincing was necessary to get her to start telling people that we serve cod.
We were having a conversation where “Harvard” came up. Kimmy looked confused and asked “What is ‘Harvard?’” We had trouble imagining someone who had never heard of Harvard. We told her that it is a school were smart people go. “Oh, like ________ Jr. College? That’s where all of my smart friends go.” We let her know that there were a vast amount of similarities.
It is required by law to have a liquor license to serve liquor in our establishment. Kimmy happened upon it and said “That’s not how you spell ‘liquor.’” I looked at it and asked her what was wrong with the license. “There’s no ‘u’ after the ‘q.’” I looked at it and then at her and said, “There is ALWAYS a ‘u’ after ‘q.’ Always!” She responded with the intelligent “Nuh-Uh!” I asked her, what ALWAYS follows ‘q?’” She looked up at me and without missing a beat said, “‘R’ always follows ‘q!’”
One of my co-workers was talking to her in June and she mentioned that she thought that she had an issue with her tires. He let her know that she was probably still driving with “winter air” and needed to get it replaced.” “Nuh-Uh!” He then talked about the dangers of not switching out to “summer air” and how blow-outs could occur at any time. She then came running up to me and asked me if this was true. It was so outrageous that I knew what was going on and exactly who had given her this information. I acted concerned and said “You haven’t switched out the air in your tires yet? Drive carefully to the closest mechanic and have that switched out!!!” This she did. They told her that it would be $78 to switch it out. Luckily for her, she didn’t have the cash and was going to go back before we warned her that we were kidding. It took nearly the whole day, but she eventually realized that there wasn’t much difference between “summer air” and “winter air.”
She once came up to me and said “I just got $15 on a $30 bill. That’s like 100%!” I stopped what I was doing and said “Say that again.” “Well, it’s like… it’s almost 50%.” I assured her “Almost. Almost 50%.”
We soon started a game on Tuesdays called “Kimmy Questions.” Tuesdays are usually slow at the restaurant and this passed the time.
She was asked “In the past 30 years, what Chicago sports team has won the Super Bowl?”
“The Green Bay Packers.”
“What is the name of the governor of Illinois?”
“What is the name of the mayor of Chicago?”
“Wow, good. What is his first name?”
“If you put the mandatory 18% gratuity on a $100 bill, how much money do you make off of that table?”
“Really think about it. 18% of $100.”
We then asked her sister (who also works with us) how much money is 1% of $100. She guessed $9.
I could keep on going, but I have to get ready to put my name tag on again. Everyone else enjoy their Friday night. I doubt I will, but we will see.

We Pause For This Message

There have been some television commercials that are currently on the air that have aggravated or upset me in some way and I thought that you should be aware of them because... because... well, I haven't written a blog in a while and I needed some filler before some content occurs.
First, let us look into the medical miracle that is Alka Seltzer.
Don't get me wrong. I think that Alka Seltzer is great despite the fact that I don't trust it. It has assisted me with a variety of colds in the past and I even put up with their awfully fake cherry version. However, something that fizzes and dissolves like magnesium when it touches water should probably not be ingested. I just don't trust it. Perhaps more studies need to be done, but I don't trust it at all. Yet, it is so damn effective. Then again, so is cocaine if you need to stay up for a week or two.
But, that's not why I write about Alka Seltzer. They have a commercial where a woman in a blue shirt has a cold. She has decided to rely upon the medicinal benefits of our fizzy friend. So, what she does is grab a small glass and pop two of the tablets into the water. The glass is then placed on the ground at her feet. This makes it easier for her to jump into the glass. Once she has jumped into what seemed at first like a small glass of now carbonated water, she instantly feels the relief that she is searching for. Good concept. I enjoy it's out-of-the-box creativity and it's subtle boldness with the manipulations of spacial relations. Cute.
What isn't cute is this woman's feet. In order to jump into the glass, she has bare feet. Why only bare feet are necessary, I'm not sure. Either fully commit, or not at all. But, that's not my point. Her feet are some of the most disgusting things I have ever seen. Picture an elephant's foot... with tallons. And no bone structure so it is just a pile of foot flesh. That is as close of a description as I can get you. What makes this worse, is that there is a close-up of her feet when she puts the glass down.
Should one create a commercial where a close up of someone's feet has been story-boarded, why not choose someone who's feet don't look so disgusting that children will have nightmares?
What has disgusted me almost as much as that woman's feet is the fact that songs that I enjoyed in my youth are now being used to advertise products that I have no use for.
When someone mentions "Lysol" I think of the furniture polish with a great lemon smell. I dig it. I ask for it by name. There will never be a need for a commercial to convince me of it's citrusy goodness when it comes to wooden decor.
What I constantly forget is that they also make disinfectant for cleaning. Ok. I can see spreading out. Wood furniture was great in the 1970's, but took a decline in the 80's. And who would have foreseen the advent of Ikea in the 90's? Lysol had to branch out. (Oh, I have included their first run at the American public. Click on the image for the full ad. Something else may have been lemony fresh before your coffee table.)
So, the disinfectant was released and probably does a great job. I'm fine with that. I have no problem with Lysol taking advantage of the beauty of American capitalism. What I do have an issue with is the way that they marketed their disinfectant(s) about a year ago. No one likes to deal with germs and we would like to avoid coming in contact with them, if possible. Does Lysol help us do this? I'm sure that it does. Do they need to remind us that we don't want to touch germs? Probably not. Do they need to ruin MC Hammer's only really big hit "Can't Touch This" just to get a point across that we all, for the most part, agree on?! That was such a GREAT song when I was growing up. Now my brain will forever associate it with 8th grade and germs. (Which, now that I think about it, there could be some similarities.) I'm just waiting to see if in 10 years they are still boasting getting rid of 99.9% of germs, but only this time having Jay-Z sing "I've got 99 problems, but germs ain't one. HIT ME!"
A third commercial has me really pissed off. A new birth control pill entered the market a few years ago called "YAZ." They had this really strange commercial of three women at a house party discussing birth control. One woman went into a monologue of the benefits of YAZ. She also worked in the side-effects. "Don't use if you have heart problems, a week immune system or loose stools." Ok, she may not have said exactly that, but I wasn't really paying attention because I'm not really in the market for birth control. But, I'm sure that the other women who wanted to enjoy their cosmos didn't really care that much. They probably were thinking "Here goes Karen again bringing up my week immune system at any moment possible. I should have never told her about that. What a bitch."
That commercial, I'm ok with. It is their most recent one that has me fuming. In my car's CD player right now is some of the best rock of the 80's. It has "She's My Cherry Pie," "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" and even "The Final Countdown." (I skip "The Final Countdown" because it's silly.) What it also has is Twisted Sister's "We're Not Going To Take It." What a great anti-establishment song with a tie to "Animal House." Why "Animal House?" Why not? I'm guessing "Caddy Shack" was already taken by Kenny Loggins. (He wrote "Footloose" AND the theme to "Caddy Shack." "I'm Alright" sounds a helluva lot like "Footloose," when you think about it, doesn't it?!)
When I'm in the mood for a good F.U. song, I play the one-hit-wonder "We're Not Going To Take It." What YAZ has done is forever ruined that song. They have taken it and given it to a no-name chick band to cover and use in their commercials. This way when they talk about bad PMS, it further illustrates their point that "They're not going to take it anymore." Are you F-ing kidding me?! Why would Twisted Sister ever give permission for such a blasphemous representation of one of the best F.U. songs of our generation?!
I realize that they may not have much going for them these days and mortgage payments may be higher than they realized. Probably ticket sales when they go on tour are not the highest, but guys, have some self-respect! When you wrote that song, you were not thinking of mood swings and irrational chocolate cravings! You were thinking of Jack Daniels and groupies with almost as much hair product as you!
This is why I am going to boycott YAZ. Never will I purchase their product and I encourage all others who respect the 80's rock culture to do the same. Otherwise this will be a stepping-stone for Bon Jovi to sell out to the Mormons with "Living On A Prayer" or Def Leppard to do an Equal commercial with "Pour Some Sugar On Me."


Damn Cheesy

I was just watching TV and they had someone from a talk-show audience get proposed to on Valentines Day. How cheesy. It is so unoriginal. What would be smart is wait until Feb. 15th. Then after she thinks that the time has come and gone, you can surprise her the very next day. I think that Feb. 15th proposals are few and would be a MUCH smarter way of doing things.
I also saw a couple get married this morning... AT THE CHICAGO AUTO SHOW!!! How LAME!!! They entered a contest with Dodge and they got their wedding paid for. However, their wedding was just a short ceremony with a Justice of the Peace and a slab of cake. It didn't look like there was much more and if you are getting married at 8am in front of a Dodge Caravan, an open bar is not necessary.


You Tube is AWESOME!!!

I found this awesome mini-skit that makes fun of the resturant industry. I thought you may enjoy it as well. AND as an added bonus, I will toss in Chris Burman of ABC/ESPN going on a rant when he thought that there wasn't tape rolling in one of the cameras.
Enjoy, friends!


A Quote From An Interesting Place

"Time spent wishing is time spent wasted."

-The Janitor, "Scrubs"
(actually he was quoting his mother-grandmother, but that isn't as interesting as the quote.)

Doing is always better than wishing. And that's explained my last few months. I've gotten a great deal accomplished. I took my radio resume to a college in Chicago and told them that I was willing to teach Digital Audio Production. The head of the department asked me "You feel you know Digital Audio Production?" And if you know me, I don't brag much. I feel it isn't a very good trait for one to have. However, I was in the interview to get the job and sell myself to the program, so I responded "I'll impress the hell out of you." He leaned back in the chair like the guy in the Maxwell Tape logo and said "That's what I wanted to hear!" He then asked me if I always wore a suit or if I put one on that day to impress him. I then asked him "That's kind of why I showed up today."
So, each Monday night from 6-9:30 I teach a Digital Audio Production class. I found out recently that they have a program on Saturdays that teaches on-air techniques to high school students. So, I told him that I would do that as well. He looked at me as if he hadn't considered me for the job. I let him know that I used to TA for an on-air class as well as taught interns and co-workers how to be on the air. Starting in March, I will be doing that as well. He mentioned in passing that he was looking for someone to do imaging for the college station (that is, being the guy who talks in between the songs just to say "WXYZ, Chicago - Today's Best Polka And Nothing Else!" The job is really easy and it would take me roughly 2 hours a month to do.) I'm now in the running for that as well.
In December, I had no affiliation with that college or station. Now, I have two jobs there and am working on a third. They also gave me a nifty parking pass that opens the gate WHENEVER I want.
All this because I decided I wanted that job and I went after it. I did instead of wished. My next goal is to send out demo tapes to every Chicago radio station by the end of the month. Then once again after the Spring book. (That way when they realize that their current DJ's aren't cutting it, I can be the resume on their desk when they start looking for someone else.)
Also, I have a potential date on Friday with one girl and I'm about to make a phone call that should give me a date with another on Saturday. Don't really know much about either, but I'm looking forward to meeting both of them. They each seem to fit my qualifications of being sarcastic/funny and smart. As well as being attractive. Oh, and one is definitely Catholic and the other is definitely Irish. If there is a combination of the two in one of 'em, it could be game, set, match.
If things go really well with both of them, I will invest in a Jello wrestling ring to determine a clear winner. Oh, who am I kidding. Jello wrestling never solved anything. It just starts things.
As of right now, I'm working at the college, still working for the restaurant and still DJing weddings and stuff. I essentially will have five jobs. AND I'm going to increase my time at the restaurant today. I will pick up lunch shifts as well as dinner shifts to give me more hours. I need to have an average of 20 per week to maintain my health insurance. As far as January is concerned, I think I worked there 7 hours total.
Essentially, after a long period of time wasted, things are really starting to come together. I love teaching and look forward to the new position(s) that I will have there. I am still able to maintain all that I once had as well as take on new possibilities. I haven't wished in a while. It feels much better to do.


Superbowl Sunday

Go Giants. I REALLY hope that the Giants defy all the odds and beat the hell out of the Patriots. Why? The Patriots are evil. Belichick is a close friend of Satan. Brady was the All-American guy before he got converted by Bill. Now he represents all that is wrong with America. Impregnating a supermodel and then leaving her for another. Yet, on the other side of the ball, the next in line for the Manning Football Dynasty, Eli is a hometown guy. Engaged to his highschool sweetheart and an all around good guy. As far as I know, he has never cheated to win a game. Belecheck has even spied on the opposing team for the Pro-Bowl. The Pro-Bowl? No one even cares about the Pro-Bowl. Yet, he feels the need to cheat at this ridiculous game.
So, my prediction: NYG over the PATs 33-27. May good prevail over evil.