Saturday Night

Well, one more city slicker saw the greatness of Effingham on Saturday night. Rick stopped by the booming metropolis of Effingham at about 8 on Saturday night. (Click on Rick's picture for the full effect!) After a bit of griping about the drive, we were off for the second running of The Effingham Bar Crawl. I had selected 10 Effingham bars that would give him a good example of the wide variety of Effingham. We were going to hit all 10 within one night and within 5 hours. We came close. We got to 7.
Things started out at The Midway. This is a sleeveless, trucker hat (because you ARE a trucker) kind of bar. Peanuts were on the floor and the sound of a local band was in the air. This caused the budget breaking $2 cover when we entered. The stamp on our hand was a raccoon paw. (Gettin' a good picture?) The raccoon paw might of had something to do with the band which was called "Koonskyner." Creative spelling, huh?
Our next stop was The Orchard. This was a biker bar. The kind of place where the last time I was in there, I got my life threatened by a 4' 10" 30 year old biker chick. And the first time I ventured in there with my old boss, the bar tender was a 40 year old woman who was so worn she looked 436. She had long greasy black hair and was going one for one with one of the patrons. It wasn't beer - it was boiler makers. They were on 7 when we walked in. (This was noon... on a Sunday.)
We then went to Scrubbies. This is a down-town bar. Rick dug the atmosphere at this one. It was small, but ornate in it's decorations. And the deer on the wall had a Miller Light bottle in it's mouth. That always helps.
With each bar, we advanced in quality. And when I say quality, I mean quality in all categories. Atmosphere, clientele, drink choices and everything else you can think of. I also must note that I didn't drink so that I could usher Effingham's tourist around.
The next place we went to is a relatively new bar called "The Whiskey Wild Saloon." Here a great cover band named "Super Deluxe" was playing. I know the owner and several of the waitresses here, so I introduced Rick and then got charged full-price for everything. But, this bar is my favorite in town. It is done up like a saloon, but they focus on rock music instead of country. The crowd that it attracts is usually of high caliber and I have yet to hear of a fight at this place.
We then met up with a girl that I had talked to on MySpace, Marisa and her friend Dannie, at Sneaky Petes. (Marisa is the blonde on the right, Dannie, the brunette on the left.) This is the bar that many of you have been at, if you've visited me in Effingham. It is a pretty spacious bar and done quite well. It was The Whiskey Wild Saloon before The Whiskey was built. It is starting to loose some of it's character and patrons. Marisa and Dannie wanted to stay at Petes, but we had to be off if we were going to get anywhere else that evening.
Our next stop was The White Goose. This place was just re-modeled and it was looking good. Soon after we sat down, Rick spotted a table of girls across the bar from us. I suggested we go say "hi." But, we waited a little bit to see what we could see. Rick submitted his request to sing "Wild Thing" by Tone Loc for kareoke. (Interesting choice for Effingham, but I don't think Rick cared at this point. And I was going to enjoy the show.) I turned to the ladies across the bar from us and saw them smiling and waving, so I waved back. They giggled to themselves. It would be difficult for them to give us any better signs than that! But, we stayed at our table and waited for 100% Rick to be called to sing his early 90's hit. It was then that I felt a tap on my shoulder. An old chick (must have been like 30 or something) asked me if I had a girlfriend. I recognized her from the group that was waving at me a short while ago. "No, I don't" I replied, figuring I'll humor her. "Great, because my friend has been watching you since you came in and thinks your hot, but she's too shy to ask you to dance." "Aw. Bring her to me." So in a few moments I was dancing with a 21 year old blonde named Jenna. She was from the Southside of Chicago and is going to EIU for teaching. After the song was over, I thanked her and then met her at her table. Rick hit on her other friend who introduced us. Forgot her name. Then again, Rick probably did too. Got Jenna's phone number and Rick made a new friend.
We left there shortly after we accomplished our mission(s) and went to what would have to be the last stop on our tour - The Downtown Lounge. This is one of the biggest hole-in-the-wall bars in Effingham. It is the culmination of some of the strangest and scariest members of our town. A fight breaks out to close the night each time the ugly lights come on. Well, whenever you walk in, you assume that they are already on. Of course a fight broke out while we were there. Last call was called and we went where every bar crawl in the history of man ends up - Denny's.
Rick left the next morning after attempting to digest all that is Effingham in just 5 hours. Hope that he enjoyed himself, I know I did. And we'll see about this Jenna girl later. More on her as things progress. I'm also talking with a girl named Samantha. But, more on both of them later. And I know that they are aware of this blog, so behave yourself, ladies - because you could be documented as well! But, like I said, more details in a different posting.
(Oh, and if you were counting, we made it to 7 bars. Just 3 short of our goal. Guess there's always next time. Contact me to be a part of the third running!)

The Audra Jo Story

Well, it's over with Audra Jo. So many signs have pointed to "no" throughout our experiences together that I'm sure that there is nothing more to experience. I promised a lot of you that I would re-post the narrative about our first date, so here it is: (The rest of the story is at the end of the post)

We went out last night and I still haven't made up my mind on her. Here's what's happened with this one:
We started talking a few weeks ago and she has been begging me to go out with her (as they all do) so on Thursday I gave her an option to do so. (I'm kind like that) I asked if she'd like to go see a movie. She was game. I told her King Kong started at 9, so meet me in front of the movie theater at 8:45. She asked me to hold. I asked why and she let me know that she was going online to see if there was anything better playing. I was a bit confused and annoyed at this, but I let it slide. She couldn't find anything better so she agreed to go. She asked if she needed to dress up. I told her it wasn't a prom, so she didn't need to go out and buy a dress or anything. Just as long as she didn't go in work clothes or something and made an effort to look cute for me. She let me know that she always looked cute and that I didn't have to worry about it. I hung up the phone a little annoyed that she didn't like what I had planned for her and that she wasn't going to get all prettied up for me. So, I called my friend Drew who was in town from AZ for the week. I asked him if he was up for goin' to the bar tonight. He was, so I called her back and told her that this was the only day that I could see him before he went back and that I hadn't seen him in about 3-4 months. She let me know that she was very mad at me. This concerned me. She's mad at me before she even met me. She was upset that I broke our date that we had set up not even a half hour before. So I told her that I'd call her next week and make up for it. She let me know that she was busy all the time. Oh well, I thought. I'm goin' out tonight. She then called me back on Friday and I missed her call. After talking to her yesterday she told me that she wanted to apologize for her actions on Thursday. I made her think about it and then she let me know that it was in the past.
So, we went out last night. Saw a different movie. Fun With Dick And Jane. It was alright, not a very remarkable movie, but good. I'd wait for the dollar shows for this one. But, right before the movie started, she let me know that she was in good with the police in this area. (With a little effort, nearly everyone is. Especially when you talk about them in a positive light on the radio as much as I do) When she hit a lady because Audra didn't "feel like braking" and it was obviously her fault, she didn't get a ticket for it. Then the movie started before I could get any more info on that story. So, as I thought about it, I got more and more concerned that this one might be a little off. So, I didn't hold her hand or put my arm around her or anything. I stayed on my side of the chair, and her on hers. When she nudged my leg with her foot, I pulled it away. I figured I didn't want to send any signals to someone who might be off balance.
Up until last night she only knew how to get a hold of me via AIM or the business line at work. She asked me for my cell phone number when we got out of the theater and wanted to give me hers. "Are you going to call me? Am I going to get to see you again? What are you doing tomorrow night?" I don't know what I did, but I did a number on this one. I told her that yes, I would call her and yes, we can go out again, but I needed to check my datebook at work to see when I was available. I figured this would give me more time to decide what if I actually wanted to do something like that. I gave her a hug and we went our separate ways. I got in my car and realized that I needed to figure one more thing out. I know it goes against everything that "The Guy Rulebook" states, but I called her.
"Did you tell me that you purposely hit someone with your car not too long ago?" "What? No! I was unable to break with that lady. I was going to hit her whether I did or not because she pulled out right in front of me, so I didn't hit my breaks, I just figured I'd hit her." "I was a bit concerned." "No, I'm not some sort of psycho! I don't have uncontrollable road rage."
I was somewhat comforted by this. I told a few friends about the evening and got a text message from her about an hour after we parted ways. "You should come and see me sometime." "What? Where? Your job?" "No. At home." "I think that I should get to know you before I get to know your parents." I started thinking this chick met me once, and now she wants me to meet her family! "They go to bed at 8." "Ok...?!" She then called to clarify that she wanted to see me again and was offering her house as a second meeting place. I told her that I'd get back to her. She then let me know that she wasn't trying to get me to meet her parents after the first day of meeting her and she realized that her text message was a bit strange. She then asked if I thought she was pretty. I told her that I appreciated her waxing the facial hair for me and let her know that I'd call her later because I had to get to work early the next day.
So, I think I'm gonna see her tonight. I give people a lot of chances. Maybe I'm reading too much into things, or perhaps she's gonna stalk and kill me. But, if my body is found in a shallow grave in Idaho somewhere, you know where to look first for blood under the fingernails. It'll be my wife, because I think we're getting married sometime next month at the rate that things are going. I don't know. Just continuing to look for the one that is closest to normal. Because I know none of them are.


That was the first post. Then I realized that she has access to this blog through my AIM and my MySpace account. She is one of the few people that might attempt to knife me or something. So, this post was saved until all forms of communication were cut off from psycho... I mean Audra. But, here's the final chapter:

We went out the next day or a few days later. The time-frame escapes me. I called her and she told me that she was hungry and wanted something to eat. So, I met her at Friday's. She let me know that she was a picky eater. (Of course) She was so picky that she doesn't like the regular staples of the Western Civilization's diet like bread. Yes. She didn't like bread. Or crackers or most anything like bread. Except tortillas and tacos. She peals her pizza off of the crust and pretty much eats it with a spoon.
At this point, I have decided to stick the evening out to be nice. And because the fascination with Ms. Nutball compelled me to find out more about her. This fascination had very little to do with attraction, but instead on compiling a very interesting tale to share with those I know and the millions of other fans that read this blog who I have never met and may never. Perhaps we should have a convention.
Anyway, I wanted to see how she would respond to the check when it came. I paid for the movie last time we went out. Let's see how conscious of others she is when the bill comes. It was put on the table and I just stared at it. I continued talking with her and pretended that it wasn't even there. She finally went for her purse and said "I guess I'll pay for my meal." "Oh, didn't even notice the bill was here." I responded. So, we split it. No score for her. No negative point, no positive one. "0" for that frame.
I then followed her to her place. Well... Actually HER PARENT'S place. She told me because of her "hook-up" that she was able to get a 6 pack of beer for me and a 6 pack of some fruit girl Smirnoff stuff for her. She "knew people" so she was able to get this. Oh boy.
My biggest fear while going over there was that her parents would still be up and I would have to deal with that. But, they were already asleep, like she said they would be. I was surprised. She pulled out her movie collection so I could select one to watch. It was one of THE WORST collections of movies that has ever been assembled. This kind of stuff is on the New Release wall at Family Video for only half a day before it goes to the $1 movie category. I can't even begin to tell you how awful her selection was. But, to give you an idea, I selected the best movie that she owned. "House of Wax." Yes. "House of Wax." That was the BEST one. The PARIS F-IN HILTON (No pun intended) movie. Who owns that? Honestly? Once you've seen the end of a horror movie, what is the point in seeing it again? Let alone OWNING it? Does this make sense to anyone?
Anyway, the movie sucked. Who would have guessed. She had just purchased a new razar phone and moved from Verizon to Cingular. (Another example of why we aren't together anymore - I worked for Verizion, and you earn bonus points with me if you own a VZW phone. Free calls, txt, pix and video messages and the whole deal makes things easier on me. Plus, you're just a better person) So, she was playing with her new phone for the beginning of the movie, she sat on the couch while hugging a pillow as an example of how closed-off she was. So, I rubbed her knee 1/2 way though the film. She asked me what I was doing. I threw my hands up and said "nothing." Later I decided to try and hold her hand. She played "thumb war" with me.
This chick just wasn't getting it, or she was going to make me work for every little thing. In either case, I didn't care to put forth the effort. I was just waiting for the end of the evening. Oh, and of course, as soon as the movie started up, she had a headache. That just added to the magic of the evening.
So, the second the credits began to roll I bolted up and nearly shouted "Well, I'm tired. I'm going to be heading out." (It was roughly 10:15pm) She looked confused and I got a "Ok. Aren't you going to hug me before you leave" from her. In my mind I thought "Sure, of course I will give you a hug, you non-bread eating, road rage driving, poor taste in movies, barrier building, negative psycho path!" After a quick one-handed hug, I spun on my heals and was out of there.
You'd think that would be the end of it. Of course not. I got bored. When I get bored I go through my AIM list and see who's online. So, I talked to her last week. This conversation sealed the deal. She works as a waitress in a truck stop around here. She let me know that one of the truckers got her a Christmas present of a hat and a shirt and - wait! A trucker bought a random waitress some presents for Christmas? Why would he do that unless she - So I asked her what her rates were. She laughed it off and I began how much of that laugh was nervousness. So, that was it. She was gone. I'm not going to be dating some girl that is probably giving truckers hand jobs in the bathroom for a 5 spot. You got to have standards, right?

Nights On WRXQ

Our good friend Luke Walker is trying to get back into the radio field. After working at a brain-numbing call center for almost a year, he's willing to slit his wrists. This job would provide him an outlet for his constant frustration.
So, he is auditioning for a possition on WRXQ in Joliet. He's up against some big names, so he needs your support... and your votes. (This is Chicago - vote early, vote often!)
Here is the website where you can read the details:
http://www.wrxq.com/test/newsview.php?id=40
But, more importantly, here's the e-mail address where you can send your vote:
mattcarter@wrxq.com
Let him know how much you enjoyed hearing Luke on Monday night and what a great DJ he is. Mention that you remember him from his Will Rock days and are excited that you might be able to hear him again.
Tell your friends, your family, your house plants - have them all vote, or Puff Daddy will kill you.

Office War... Continued

Well, no retaliation yet from the guy who's office I packed up. But, I hear that it's coming. So, I guess I have to just sit and wait. It makes things interesting. Although, we bonded over the Bears and their loss, so perhaps that will make up for things... but I'm not holding my breath. Maybe he will completly trash my office. But, I think there's an unwritten law that we won't do anything destructive... But, I will update you if anything else happens.

24

I have seen 4 hours of a show called 24 in the past two days and have held my breath through the entire thing. Why? Because 24 is THE best show on TV... unless they are showing Emrick family home videos on AFV, then that might be more compelling TV. (I know that I've written about this in the past, but it is deserving of another post... maybe two or three more!) The drama, the suspense, the cliff-hangers. Everything from the acting, lighting, cinematic to the plot lines and character development is TOP NOTCH. This Emmy award winning program is WELL worth setting your TIVO for, or setting your life around. I'm getting excited just writing about it.
It's not too late to get in on the program. It will be on Fox every Monday at 8. To see what you've missed, check out www.fox.com/24 for a up-to-the minute lay out of what's happened so far.
Trust me on this one friend!

A Few Thoughts From Greg Behrendt

So, last night on Comedy Central was a stand-up special titled "Greg Behrendt Is Uncool." For those of you who don't know, Greg Behrendt wrote a popular book called "He's Just Not That Into You." While the book is designed for women, he discussed some main points that both sexes could benefit from. Here are some:

1) In life we will encounter assholes. We shouldn't waste time on them. They come in all forms. People who get upset over trivial things. People who are constantly negative. People who nit pick. Essentially people who hinder our happiness. Some we HAVE to deal with like bosses or co-workers or family members. But, the rest of 'em - we don't have to. Ignore them and they'll go away. Or at least get the hint.

2) Rock stars have a great life. Why can't we rock our day-to-day lives? Be as excited about the aspects of our day the way they are after they perform one of their hits flawlessly on stage. Slam that report down on our bosses desk and yell "Thank you! Good night!" While pyrotechnics go off.

3) We treat our rock stars with so much awe and appreciation. We make signs. We shout "I love you!" Women throw their panties up on stage. Imagine if we did that for the people in our lives that AREN'T assholes. The friends we have that are positive. Those who don't get upset over stupid trivial stuff. The people who don't talk behind our back. The people who look for ways to make us happy and keep us that way.

Some neat stuff, huh? I expect you to be making your sign for me soon. And prepare to toss those panties on my stage... unless you're a dude... then we have to talk.

Just some thing to think about, friend. Talk to you later.

Hotel De Effingham

The Hotel De Effingham has opened it's doors. Now that I have a good spare bedroom several folks are booking their weekends. Get in on the ground floor. If you act now I'll cut the price in half (price code: Blog) and toss in the official Effingham Bar Crawl at no additional charge (except for what you pay at the various establishments). But wait, there's more! A trip to the big white cross will be included if you act now. Operators are standing by.
(Certian restrictions apply. Not valid where prohibited. No cash value. Void in NH and TN.)

A+ Women Of Effingham

Also, I don't know what's goin' on with Audra. That might be a dead end. We'll see. Update you on that later. There's a lot of girls in Effingham with names that begin with "A" that are interested in me. Alison might be the next one. (See archives for "Ashley" and "Audra.") Maybe I should start looking for some that are lower in the alphabet. Find a good Zena or Yolanda. Oh wait... that didn't work well either...

Eh.

Well, the Bears lost. That sucked. The Colts lost. That sucked too. Now I don't give a rats-ass who gets to the Super Bowl. I never had much faith in Grossman. Especially due to his lack of experience. While Orton rarely went to the air attack, at least he did what was necessary to win games... let the defense win games. But even our defense couldn't stop Smith yesterday. Oh well. As a Cubs fan says "There's always next year."
Busted out the George Forman grill yesterday. Got it for Christmas and nearly returned it. I have a regular grill, why would I need this one too? But, I was encouraged to try it. Damn, it's fast. Burgers done in about 5 minutes instead of constantly flipping them on my regular grill. This is going to be fun.
Also been using my crock pot more. That thing is freakin' amazing. Toss all the crap in it, set it and then go about your business. When 4 hours have passed, turn it off and you're good to go. Freakin' sweet.
I have been staying in Effingham a lot recently. I do realize that I've missed out on a few parties and things like that, but I'm getting sick of the drive. Plus, I know enough people down here to keep me occupied. Or I have the option of enjoying the quiet of being alone.
Just bought a flat-screen 27" for the Bears play-off attempts. (Guess it got SOME use...) and now have a full second bedroom in my place. Things are really coming together. I also got some random nick-nacks like candle holders and fountains. (Chicks dig 'em, TRUST ME!) But, the tv got some use yesterday with one Bears game and with the new season of 24. If you haven't seen 24, it isn't too late to get in on this INCREDIBLE show. I'd venture to say it is the best drama on TV right now. I do realize there are quite a few CSI freaks and some folks hanging onto ER and other stuff, but 24 blows them all away in my opinion.
It's on again tonight with the next 2 hours. To get a re-cap of what's happened minute-by-minute you can check out www.fox.com/24
Oh, I've also tried out this "MySpace.com" crap recently. It has introduced me to several new folks. Interesting, but I know that I'm going to tire of it soon.
That's what's on my mind right now. More later when it cycles again.

Chuck Norris REPLIES!

Chuck Norris has been keeping up with my blog and has offered a formal reply. Here's what he had to say:

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET
I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris

If you don't believe me, here is the link:
http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

Thanks to Jer for bringing this to my attention. Thanks for reading, Chuck!

Office War

So, a mini-office war has been started in the offices of WCRC FM in Effingham. And I started it because I was bored. (Don't tell my supervisors this or they will have me do extra work. I'll be cleaning the windows or something!)
So, there is a guy named "Chip" who works with us in the sales department. Very nice older guy. His desk is always very neat. Each element of his desk is perpendicular or parallel to the edges of the desk. (Depending on how you look at it.) So, just to mess with him, I made everything off-center. Nothing huge or destructive, just made everything off-center. He came in today and found it and began scratching his head. Well, it was made known to him who it was who moved his stuff. So, he retaliated.
On my dry erase board was a cartoon hand giving me the bird with "Have a nice day" written next to it. Very funny. Nothing too bad. I was then told by our secretary, who was in on this, that I had a call on line one. I picked up my phone and found hand cream on the ear piece of my phone's receiver.
It's on.
I made no comment on either of these things and went about my day. Chip leaves early to go on sales calls and doesn't come back until the next day. As soon as I realized he was gone for the weekend, I went to work.
I took everything off of his desk and put it in some of the rubbermaid containers that we used to move the station in the weeks prior. I even pulled out all of his files and placed them in their own container. (I kept them in order, that would be mean if I mixed them all up!) I even unplugged his phone and boxed it up. His mail box was removed from the wall and placed in the totes as well. His area is bare. Except for his dry erase board which now reads "Happy Monday, Chipper!" And he's also getting the cartoon version of the double deuce.
I can't wait until Monday to see how he reacts to this. I am debating whether or not I'm going to wake up early to get his reaction and protect my stuff. Oh, and the secretary is going to get it this weekend too. For aiding his crime. The Christmas decorations have just been put away, but will be pulled out one more time this season as I use them ALL to decorate her desk.
Nothing destructive, but very festive... a few weeks late, but festive none-the-less!
Man, do I love my job.

New Website

A friend of mine sent me a link to a new website that I've never heard of and I found it hysterical:
http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/
The language is not necessarily appropriate for all eyes, but funny anyway. It has all sorts of extra stuff on there as well, including a guy named Shizzy. He sends fake e-mails to people. Here's an example of how he messed with the Starbuck's corporation:
http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/shizzypage40.html
It is a bit long, but if you skim it, you will get the point. The site also has fake articles like the ones that you would find in The Onion. (Another great website if you can't find it in cirulation: www.theonion.com)
Just a few options to waste your company's time and money.
Thanks to Janice for finding Bob for me.

Max

This is my 80th post on here, so I thought that I'd talk to you about the greatest God son in the history of God sons. His name is Max and he is the smartest and cutest guy you'll ever come across. He's walking, running and playing at a 16 year old level. He is talking a great deal too. He's got Ma-Ma down and Da-Da to a degree, but instead of Da-Da, he calls his father "Good Guy" more often. It's great. They assume that the reason for this is that his father kept saying "Max, be a 'good guy' and go to sleep." He'll be 2 in April. (He's playing with my $400 cell phone on the right. I'm preventing him from logging onto the internet.)

Rubber Mallet

I was watching the end of "Johnny Bravo" as I woke up this morning on Cartoon Network. He pulled a obscenely large rubber mallet from behind his back to smash the bad guy over the head. Just once I'd like to be able to produce a huge rubber mallet from behind my back. Not to smash anyone over the head, but just for the ability to do so.
I also got my watch battery replaced today.

Audra

I realized that I haven't written in a while and many folks are begging me to inform them as to what I've been up to. I'll start with Audra. We went out last night to see a movie. "Fun With Dick And Jane."
It was alright. Not a movie that you'll want to buy, but worthy of the dollar theaters. She's a sweet girl and it should be interesting to see what happens.
Just takin' this one slow to see how things go. Oh, and to those who have asked, she is 20, but the picture makes her look young.
I'll update ya on anything else that's goin' on with her.
More stuff later. Time for lunch.